thank you Bill Nye

 

ain't dat da truf, womenz could not drive if their life or their appointment at da beauty salon depended on it.

dis is ow me julie was almost takun from me coz she is a mingin driva:


so my julie was drivin down da road puttin a makeup on and not payin attention to wot she was doin. yippie our little rat dog was barkin and hopin up and down in da back seat tryin to take da bottle of vodka from my six year old son. needless to say me julie got a little down and started yellin at yippie and saying swear words at erself fa smearin a makeup all ova a face and evun gettin some on da ceilin inside da auto.

so as she was yellin and carryin on she swirved across tre lanes of traffic, knocked ova a motorcycle cop, shot back across da traffic again and in to da oncomin lanes. so now she is drivin on da wrong side of da freeway in and out of autos screamin dig a beotch and exits da freeway da wrong way on an onramp to da road. da onramp was so narrow dat she did ave to swerve on to da sholda spinnin across grass takin out a traffic signal and comin to a rest chillin up against a concrete barria wiv two wheels up alfway on da barria.

afta she recovered from dat she gathered erself up and drove straight to da Westside crib. whun she got there she forgot to opun da garage doa and drove straight through it causin da frame to fall down through da back window of da auto killin yippie and my son.

while i was saddened by all of dis, there was also a positive side. i ad an extra alf bottle of vodka wiv grub dat night.

 

classic

 

Wasn't there a Top Gear about just this thing?

In 35 feet of water... not only would you have to wait till the car settled on the bottom of the river, you'd then have to wait for the car car to completely fill *and* presurize... so I hope you can hold your breath for 3 or 4 minutes while your heart's racing in panic mode.

Then you have to open the doors and find your way out in what would most likely be a pitch-dark, silt filled environment, figure out which way is up, and somehow swim to the surface.

Only James Bond could get out of that.

What you need to do is get the windows down ASAP, like before the electrical system fails. Otherwise, you're gonna have to kick one of them out on the way down, before the pressure is too great. Your goal should be to get out of the vehicle *immediately*.

But let's face it... 35 feet of water is no joke... you're really not going to have much of a chance, unless you hit the water softly and you're in a convertable so all you have to do it take off your seatbelt.

 

I used to have this hammer that I kept in my car. It was a plastic handle with a stell point. It was specifically designed for breaking car windows in case you ever needed to in a case like this.

 

i know wheree dat is.

check josie's top dressa drawa. dat sounds pacifically like da implement she asked me to shove up er batty whun i was bonein er last weekend.

 

nah, we don't have the hammer anymore. that was something we picked up at goldies.

 

since yous were filmin da experience, can yous please issue me a copy of da tape?

i ave to say i put on a ell of performance, for real whun it came to da cash money shot.

and next time, please be more careful wiv your extreme closeups, my mr biggies slapped up against da camera lense a couple times and it could ave did a serious effect on my momentum and thrust angles. but bein a true pro i was able to wurk through and get past da amateur camera skills.

 

Those are pure BS. It's practically impossible to break a car window with one while belted in to the seat. They didn't work so well for slicing through the seat belt you should be just unbuckling either.

 

since we only had about 30 seconds before the money shot, I was trying to get all the angles I could.

 

I never tried to break a car window with it, but I did break some other glass and it took only the slightest tap. I know car windows are different, but I wouldn't think it to be too hard.

 

it is not my fault yous showed up late fa da party. Ali G waits fa nobody.