Joke thread!!!
03-04-2005, 11:05 AM
#167
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Pimpin' tards
Posts: 895
Originally Posted by nKoan
*cues Ali G to come in with a list of Hellen Keller jokes
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her when she was bad?
They left the plunger in the toilet
Did you hear about the new Helen Keller Doll?
You wind her up and she bumps into the furniture!
why did helen keller wear tight pants?
so you can read her lips
How do you get helen keller to keep a secret?
Break her fingers
Why does Helen Keller ********** with one hand?
So she can moan with the other.
What is Helen Keller's favorite color?
Corduroy.
Who is the cruelest man in the world?
The guy who raped Helen Keller, then cut off her hands so she couldn't scream for help.
What did Helen Keller say when she found the cheese grater?
It was the most violent book she'd ever read.
Why does Helen Keller play the piano with only one hand?
She uses the other to sing with.
03-04-2005, 11:07 AM
#168
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Pimpin' tards
Posts: 895
Did you know that Christa McAuliffe was blue eyed?
One blew left and one blew right.
What were Christa McAuliffe's last words to her husband?
"You feed the kids - I'll feed the fish."
What was the Shuttle's last transmission?
Christa McAuliffe asking, "What does this button do?"
What does NASA stand for?
Need Another Seven Astronauts
Need Another Shuttle Also
Do you know why there was only one black crew member on Challenger?
They didn't know it was going to blow up.
Did you know that NASA has a new space drink?
Ocean Spray - It was their second choice because they couldn't get 7-UP.
When the next shuttle launches into space, what will the senior controller say?
"72, 73, 74 BOOM! - Just kidding guys!"
What do Playtex tampon users and Christa McAuliffe have in common?
They both should have stayed on the pad.
What does a sea lion, the space shuttle and Tylenol have in common?
They're all looking for a tight seal.
How many people will fit in a Florida Volkswagen?
Four in the seats and seven in the ashtray.
On future shuttle missions, why will one of the astronauts have to be a naval officer?
So when they decide to use it as an experimental submarine, they'll have a rated officer onboard.
What do Christa McAuliffe and Monica Lewinski have in common?
They both went down on the challenger.
Did you hear that they are sending up another teacher on the next shuttle mission?
She's going to be a substitute.
How do we know what kind of shampoo Christa McCauliffe used?
They found her Head & Shoulders.
One blew left and one blew right.
What were Christa McAuliffe's last words to her husband?
"You feed the kids - I'll feed the fish."
What was the Shuttle's last transmission?
Christa McAuliffe asking, "What does this button do?"
What does NASA stand for?
Need Another Seven Astronauts
Need Another Shuttle Also
Do you know why there was only one black crew member on Challenger?
They didn't know it was going to blow up.
Did you know that NASA has a new space drink?
Ocean Spray - It was their second choice because they couldn't get 7-UP.
When the next shuttle launches into space, what will the senior controller say?
"72, 73, 74 BOOM! - Just kidding guys!"
What do Playtex tampon users and Christa McAuliffe have in common?
They both should have stayed on the pad.
What does a sea lion, the space shuttle and Tylenol have in common?
They're all looking for a tight seal.
How many people will fit in a Florida Volkswagen?
Four in the seats and seven in the ashtray.
On future shuttle missions, why will one of the astronauts have to be a naval officer?
So when they decide to use it as an experimental submarine, they'll have a rated officer onboard.
What do Christa McAuliffe and Monica Lewinski have in common?
They both went down on the challenger.
Did you hear that they are sending up another teacher on the next shuttle mission?
She's going to be a substitute.
How do we know what kind of shampoo Christa McCauliffe used?
They found her Head & Shoulders.
03-04-2005, 11:25 AM
#170
Troll
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Pimpin' tards
Posts: 895
Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?
"Feel the World."
Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest song?
"Don't let your son go down on me."
What's Michael Jackson's favorite nursery rhyme?
Little Boy Blew.
What did Michael Jackson say when a boy in a car mooned him going down the road?
"I'll be there!"
If you play thriller backwards, you can hear Michael confessing all the names of the boys he touched. That's why it is 14 minutes long.
What do Michael Jackson and Miss Bobbit have in common?
They both played with little wieners.
Why did Michael Jackson get food poisoning?
He ate a nine year old wiener!
Why did Michael Jackson get kicked out of the school cafeteria?
Because he ate all the kids' wieners.
What does Michael Jackson call a circumcision?
Foreplay.
What do Michael Jackson and an xbox have in common?
Both get turned on by kids!!!
What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?
They both leave little boys' rooms with empty sacks.
What do Michael Jackson and Dr. Spock have in common?
They both know how to rear a child.
What do Michael Jackson and Michael Jordan have in common?
They both play ball in the Minor League.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Michael Jordan?
One is in the Minors, the other is into Minors.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong?
One was the first man to walk on the moon, and the other f***s little boys.
What is Michael Jackson's favorite holiday?
Christmas because he gives the well behaved kids a special gift...
Where's Michael going on holiday?
He's off to Tampa with the kids.
What do Michael Jackson and Walmart have in common?
They both have small boys pants half off!
What do Michael Jackson and Walmart have in common?
They both wait 3 months after the child is born to give piercings.
What does Michael Jackson think of when he sees a boy in a McDonald's suit?
A happy meal.
What's Micheal Jackson's Chinese name?
Melikeemyoung.
Did you hear that Michael Jackson was taken to the Emergency Room?
He was choking on a small bone!
Why does Michael Jackson like twenty eight year old boyfriends?
Because there are twenty of them!
How many Michael Jacksons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. Michael Jackson only screws little boys!
What's soft and brown and sometimes found in little boy's diapers?
Michael Jackson's hand!
What's the worst stain to try and remove from little boy's underpants?
Michael Jackson's makeup.
What's white and in Michael Jackson's pocket?
His other hand.
Who's Michael Jackson's favorite poet?
Emily Dick in son.
How did Michael actually proposition the little boy?
It was just a slip of the tongue.
What did Michael Jackson yell when he fell off the boat?
Throw me the bouy!!
How does Michael like to party?
He sips a couple of Tall Boys.
Who does Michael Jackson consider a perfect "10"?
Two 5 year olds.
Why was Michael Jackson kicked out of the Boy Scouts?
He was up to two packs a day.
What do Michael Jackson and Rum have in common?
They both come in small tots.
What's black and white and comes in little cans?
Michael Jackson.
How do we know Michael is guilty?
Several children have fingered him.
How did Michael get in trouble?
He was feeling a little Randy.
How is Michael dealing with his problems?
He's holding his own.
How does Michael Jackson keep his youth?
Pizza and Nintendo.
Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men??
He thought it was a delivery service.
What has 18 ***** and 3 pubic hairs?
A Michael Jackson slumber party.
How do you know when it's bedtime at the Jackson residence?
When the big hand touches the little hand...
What do Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston have in common?
They both like a little crack now and then.
What did Michael Jackson say when he got back to Neverland Ranch from drug rehab?
You know, I feel like a new boy!
What is the difference between Michael Jackson and the PLO?
The PLO pulled out of Jordan.
What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a Catholic priest?
Nothing
"Feel the World."
Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest song?
"Don't let your son go down on me."
What's Michael Jackson's favorite nursery rhyme?
Little Boy Blew.
What did Michael Jackson say when a boy in a car mooned him going down the road?
"I'll be there!"
If you play thriller backwards, you can hear Michael confessing all the names of the boys he touched. That's why it is 14 minutes long.
What do Michael Jackson and Miss Bobbit have in common?
They both played with little wieners.
Why did Michael Jackson get food poisoning?
He ate a nine year old wiener!
Why did Michael Jackson get kicked out of the school cafeteria?
Because he ate all the kids' wieners.
What does Michael Jackson call a circumcision?
Foreplay.
What do Michael Jackson and an xbox have in common?
Both get turned on by kids!!!
What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?
They both leave little boys' rooms with empty sacks.
What do Michael Jackson and Dr. Spock have in common?
They both know how to rear a child.
What do Michael Jackson and Michael Jordan have in common?
They both play ball in the Minor League.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Michael Jordan?
One is in the Minors, the other is into Minors.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong?
One was the first man to walk on the moon, and the other f***s little boys.
What is Michael Jackson's favorite holiday?
Christmas because he gives the well behaved kids a special gift...
Where's Michael going on holiday?
He's off to Tampa with the kids.
What do Michael Jackson and Walmart have in common?
They both have small boys pants half off!
What do Michael Jackson and Walmart have in common?
They both wait 3 months after the child is born to give piercings.
What does Michael Jackson think of when he sees a boy in a McDonald's suit?
A happy meal.
What's Micheal Jackson's Chinese name?
Melikeemyoung.
Did you hear that Michael Jackson was taken to the Emergency Room?
He was choking on a small bone!
Why does Michael Jackson like twenty eight year old boyfriends?
Because there are twenty of them!
How many Michael Jacksons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. Michael Jackson only screws little boys!
What's soft and brown and sometimes found in little boy's diapers?
Michael Jackson's hand!
What's the worst stain to try and remove from little boy's underpants?
Michael Jackson's makeup.
What's white and in Michael Jackson's pocket?
His other hand.
Who's Michael Jackson's favorite poet?
Emily Dick in son.
How did Michael actually proposition the little boy?
It was just a slip of the tongue.
What did Michael Jackson yell when he fell off the boat?
Throw me the bouy!!
How does Michael like to party?
He sips a couple of Tall Boys.
Who does Michael Jackson consider a perfect "10"?
Two 5 year olds.
Why was Michael Jackson kicked out of the Boy Scouts?
He was up to two packs a day.
What do Michael Jackson and Rum have in common?
They both come in small tots.
What's black and white and comes in little cans?
Michael Jackson.
How do we know Michael is guilty?
Several children have fingered him.
How did Michael get in trouble?
He was feeling a little Randy.
How is Michael dealing with his problems?
He's holding his own.
How does Michael Jackson keep his youth?
Pizza and Nintendo.
Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men??
He thought it was a delivery service.
What has 18 ***** and 3 pubic hairs?
A Michael Jackson slumber party.
How do you know when it's bedtime at the Jackson residence?
When the big hand touches the little hand...
What do Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston have in common?
They both like a little crack now and then.
What did Michael Jackson say when he got back to Neverland Ranch from drug rehab?
You know, I feel like a new boy!
What is the difference between Michael Jackson and the PLO?
The PLO pulled out of Jordan.
What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a Catholic priest?
Nothing
03-07-2005, 04:08 PM
#174
Father Time
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Originally Posted by LagnWagn
RussA, not to be mean, but That is perhaps the least funny joke ever told in english.
Carry on.
03-07-2005, 04:10 PM
#176
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Location: pew, pew, pew!!!
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Originally Posted by R4ND0M_AX3
Just got me thinking about the Monty Python skit where they translated some ueberfunny joke into german to use against the german army.
Carry on.
Carry on.
03-07-2005, 04:10 PM
#177
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Lovely Reno, NV
Posts: 3,391
Car Info: 2004 Sti
Originally Posted by R4ND0M_AX3
Just got me thinking about the Monty Python skit where they translated some ueberfunny joke into german to use against the german army.
Carry on.
Carry on.
and Ryball...You better watch that finger, Ed may come sit on it or something.
