Man Rules
09-22-2006, 12:51 AM
#1
Registered User
Thread Starter
iTrader: (1)
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Your GirlFriend Is My Other Ride
Posts: 105
Car Info: 03 wrx wagon, 08 harley night train, 92 toyota 4x4
Man Rules
Women, you must understand the "Man rules" : Please see below for details.
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! These are what we MEN want to say to all WOMEN! Remember it. And don't moan. If you're a man pass to your partner for a greater understanding. If you're a woman keep it somewhere prominent like on the fridge!
(Please note...these are all numbered "1"ON PURPOSE!)
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work!Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! These are what we MEN want to say to all WOMEN! Remember it. And don't moan. If you're a man pass to your partner for a greater understanding. If you're a woman keep it somewhere prominent like on the fridge!
(Please note...these are all numbered "1"ON PURPOSE!)
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work!Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
09-22-2006, 01:12 AM
#3
Registered User
iTrader: (1)
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Mount Vernon, Washington
Posts: 2,106
Car Info: 2002 WRX
I disagree with #1- the toilet seat AND lid should be shut- it makes the bathroom look better. I don't really care about sports so #2 doesn't apply to me but...everything else applies to my wife.
Everything else- I couldn't agree MORE!
*Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials*.
^^^^^^This would be a dream come true, my wife starts talking at the EXACT moment that I need to hear what I have been trying to listen to. Goddamn it's time to divorce her cuz the car doesn't talk unless I want it to.
Everything else- I couldn't agree MORE!
*Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials*.
^^^^^^This would be a dream come true, my wife starts talking at the EXACT moment that I need to hear what I have been trying to listen to. Goddamn it's time to divorce her cuz the car doesn't talk unless I want it to.
09-22-2006, 01:55 AM
#4
Registered User
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Mililani, Hi
Posts: 563
Car Info: 01 Impreza 2.5RS (GM6) & '08 Evo MR
no you didn't.... =)...well i got something for you "GUYS"... =)
Rules for Men (as written by Women)
Don't lie.
Call.
Never tape any of her body parts together.
If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.
If guys' night out is going to involve strippers, remember the zoo rules: No Petting.
Don't expect her to clean up after YOUR buddies have been over.
The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."
Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?"
Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.
Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.
Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.
Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is tacky.
Unless she likes that sort of thing.
If you ARE going to get her lingerie, get her the kind of things SHE likes to wear - NOT what YOU'D like to see her in.
And for god's sake, get her size right. It's not THAT hard.
A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.
If you don't want another mother, don't act like a child.
None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed.
Don't buy the $9.99/dozen roses on the way home -- They tell her you are not only unimaginative, you're cheap.
Her cooking is excellent.
That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking.
You are a capable adult. Don't feign incompetence around the house in some feeble attempt to get her to "do it for you".
Notice when the floor crunches beneath your feet. You too can learn to use a broom (or vaccuum).
Dishsoap is your friend.
Learn to clean in and around a toilet. Especially since YOU are the one who "misses" it.
Hat does not equal shower, aftershave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean.
Five O'Clock stubble has all the erotic qualities of sandpaper.
Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.
You too, can learn to iron your shirts.
Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation.
Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?"
Two words: clean socks.
Two MORE words: clean underwear.
Believe it or not, you're probably NOT more attractive when you're drunk.
Burping is not sexy.
Farting ceases to be funny after the 7th grade.
Making excuses for being an *** is bad. Learning how to admit you were wrong and apologize, is good.
Supportive is good. Patronizing is bad.
She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you think she is.
Ditto for your discourse on football.
Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound.
She might show more interest in YOUR hobbies if you genuinely show some interest in HERS.
"Will you marry me?" is good. "Let's shack up together" is bad.
Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.
Don't assume PMS doesn't exist.
No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without notice.
"But, we kiss..." is not justification for using her toothbrush. You don't clean plaque with your tongue.
Basic courtesy and respect for feminism are NOT mutually exclusive.
Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it.
If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don't act like a complete jerk until she does it for you.
Don't tell her you love her if you don't.
Tell her you love her if you do. Often.
Always, always suck up to her brother.
The underwear your mother buys you is NOT sexy.
Think boxers.
Silk boxers.
Unless you have a GQ body. Then think French Cut. Silk French Cut.
Remember Valentine's Day, and any cheesy "anniversary" she so-names.
Don't expect HER to remember your mother's birthday or buy the gift.
Don't try to change the way she dresses.
Learn to dress yourself. Men's clothing comes in more colors than blue, black and grey, and more styles than t-shirts and jeans.
Her haircut is never bad.
Don't let your friends pick on her.
Don't ask her to fix your friends up with HER friends.
Call.
Don't lie.
When crying occurs you caused it and should fix it. Perfect time for a gift.
Watching Star Trek or any type of non-romance movie/ T.V. show should also be rewarded in a gift.
The toilet seat prefers to be down. Gravity; any questions?
When we ask if we are fat, we are looking for a "NO I love you just the way you are" answer.
Cindy Crawford cuts her hair why can't we?
We are not always thinking of you.
We are not always looking for the perfect gift... some gift is better than no gift, and we realize it is the thought that counts.
Our Cats truly are special friends.
Shopping is not a sport, it's an adventure.
We value your opinion on our outfits and perhaps you should ask for direction when you are dressing.
Wearing the same clothes because they are on top of the pile is not acceptable.
If we had enough clothes or shoes then why are there so many stores?
When we ask for something we want it then!! Don't wait for a birthday, etc. you may for get what it is that we want.
If you cant be expected to hit the toilet, we can't be expected to find the oil.
When the lights come on in the car, we let you know when we get around to it.
Three pairs of shoes in not a selection, its a crisis!
Boots, old tennis shoes, and grass shoes are not adequate shoe choices.
We don't believe you when you say you'll be right home.
Yes and No are not answers, you are not on trial and we are not your attorney.
We remember what you say regardless of how long its been. Why can't you?
Saying what you think we want to hear gets you in more trouble! Stop while you are ahead.
There are no good sports.
Why can't you ask for directions?
Why can't you follow directions?
How can we be expected to tell you about our day in just 30 seconds when it took all day to happen?
You too can order Pizza.
Chinese Food is a meal.
Chips and Dip are NOT a meal.
Why don't you know all of these rules?
The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact that she has to go through labor while you sit in the waiting room on your *** smoking cigars isn't fair either, and it balances everything.
Rules for Men (as written by Women)
Don't lie.
Call.
Never tape any of her body parts together.
If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.
If guys' night out is going to involve strippers, remember the zoo rules: No Petting.
Don't expect her to clean up after YOUR buddies have been over.
The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."
Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?"
Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.
Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.
Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.
Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is tacky.
Unless she likes that sort of thing.
If you ARE going to get her lingerie, get her the kind of things SHE likes to wear - NOT what YOU'D like to see her in.
And for god's sake, get her size right. It's not THAT hard.
A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.
If you don't want another mother, don't act like a child.
None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed.
Don't buy the $9.99/dozen roses on the way home -- They tell her you are not only unimaginative, you're cheap.
Her cooking is excellent.
That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking.
You are a capable adult. Don't feign incompetence around the house in some feeble attempt to get her to "do it for you".
Notice when the floor crunches beneath your feet. You too can learn to use a broom (or vaccuum).
Dishsoap is your friend.
Learn to clean in and around a toilet. Especially since YOU are the one who "misses" it.
Hat does not equal shower, aftershave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean.
Five O'Clock stubble has all the erotic qualities of sandpaper.
Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.
You too, can learn to iron your shirts.
Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation.
Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?"
Two words: clean socks.
Two MORE words: clean underwear.
Believe it or not, you're probably NOT more attractive when you're drunk.
Burping is not sexy.
Farting ceases to be funny after the 7th grade.
Making excuses for being an *** is bad. Learning how to admit you were wrong and apologize, is good.
Supportive is good. Patronizing is bad.
She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you think she is.
Ditto for your discourse on football.
Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound.
She might show more interest in YOUR hobbies if you genuinely show some interest in HERS.
"Will you marry me?" is good. "Let's shack up together" is bad.
Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.
Don't assume PMS doesn't exist.
No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without notice.
"But, we kiss..." is not justification for using her toothbrush. You don't clean plaque with your tongue.
Basic courtesy and respect for feminism are NOT mutually exclusive.
Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it.
If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don't act like a complete jerk until she does it for you.
Don't tell her you love her if you don't.
Tell her you love her if you do. Often.
Always, always suck up to her brother.
The underwear your mother buys you is NOT sexy.
Think boxers.
Silk boxers.
Unless you have a GQ body. Then think French Cut. Silk French Cut.
Remember Valentine's Day, and any cheesy "anniversary" she so-names.
Don't expect HER to remember your mother's birthday or buy the gift.
Don't try to change the way she dresses.
Learn to dress yourself. Men's clothing comes in more colors than blue, black and grey, and more styles than t-shirts and jeans.
Her haircut is never bad.
Don't let your friends pick on her.
Don't ask her to fix your friends up with HER friends.
Call.
Don't lie.
When crying occurs you caused it and should fix it. Perfect time for a gift.
Watching Star Trek or any type of non-romance movie/ T.V. show should also be rewarded in a gift.
The toilet seat prefers to be down. Gravity; any questions?
When we ask if we are fat, we are looking for a "NO I love you just the way you are" answer.
Cindy Crawford cuts her hair why can't we?
We are not always thinking of you.
We are not always looking for the perfect gift... some gift is better than no gift, and we realize it is the thought that counts.
Our Cats truly are special friends.
Shopping is not a sport, it's an adventure.
We value your opinion on our outfits and perhaps you should ask for direction when you are dressing.
Wearing the same clothes because they are on top of the pile is not acceptable.
If we had enough clothes or shoes then why are there so many stores?
When we ask for something we want it then!! Don't wait for a birthday, etc. you may for get what it is that we want.
If you cant be expected to hit the toilet, we can't be expected to find the oil.
When the lights come on in the car, we let you know when we get around to it.
Three pairs of shoes in not a selection, its a crisis!
Boots, old tennis shoes, and grass shoes are not adequate shoe choices.
We don't believe you when you say you'll be right home.
Yes and No are not answers, you are not on trial and we are not your attorney.
We remember what you say regardless of how long its been. Why can't you?
Saying what you think we want to hear gets you in more trouble! Stop while you are ahead.
There are no good sports.
Why can't you ask for directions?
Why can't you follow directions?
How can we be expected to tell you about our day in just 30 seconds when it took all day to happen?
You too can order Pizza.
Chinese Food is a meal.
Chips and Dip are NOT a meal.
Why don't you know all of these rules?
The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact that she has to go through labor while you sit in the waiting room on your *** smoking cigars isn't fair either, and it balances everything.
09-22-2006, 02:16 AM
#6
Registered User
iTrader: (1)
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Mount Vernon, Washington
Posts: 2,106
Car Info: 2002 WRX
Originally Posted by 4080's_ReiJay
now, if you think man rules are a lot and long....girls got it crazier...so take note guys!! lol...
*How can we be expected to tell you about our day in just 30 seconds when it took all day to happen?*
^^^^It doesn't have to take all day to explain either. My wife gets home and starts talking about things that aren't even worth talking about and an hour later she is still talking about something that I would have forgotten about before I even got home.
Last edited by Jakes02; 09-22-2006 at 02:19 AM.
09-22-2006, 02:19 AM
#7
VIP Member
iTrader: (17)
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Sunnyvale, CA
Posts: 22,776
Car Info: '13 BRZ Limited / '02 WRX
Do not ask a question regarding something that may or may not happen in over a year and whos outcome depends on anything that could happen within that 1+ year....youre just not gonna get an answer
09-22-2006, 02:19 AM
#8
VIP Member
iTrader: (17)
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Sunnyvale, CA
Posts: 22,776
Car Info: '13 BRZ Limited / '02 WRX
Originally Posted by 4080's_ReiJay
no you didn't.... =)...well i got something for you "GUYS"... =)
Rules for Men (as written by Women)
Don't lie.
Call.
Never tape any of her body parts together.
If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.
If guys' night out is going to involve strippers, remember the zoo rules: No Petting.
Don't expect her to clean up after YOUR buddies have been over.
The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."
Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?"
Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.
Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.
Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.
Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is tacky.
Unless she likes that sort of thing.
If you ARE going to get her lingerie, get her the kind of things SHE likes to wear - NOT what YOU'D like to see her in.
And for god's sake, get her size right. It's not THAT hard.
A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.
If you don't want another mother, don't act like a child.
None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed.
Don't buy the $9.99/dozen roses on the way home -- They tell her you are not only unimaginative, you're cheap.
Her cooking is excellent.
That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking.
You are a capable adult. Don't feign incompetence around the house in some feeble attempt to get her to "do it for you".
Notice when the floor crunches beneath your feet. You too can learn to use a broom (or vaccuum).
Dishsoap is your friend.
Learn to clean in and around a toilet. Especially since YOU are the one who "misses" it.
Hat does not equal shower, aftershave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean.
Five O'Clock stubble has all the erotic qualities of sandpaper.
Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.
You too, can learn to iron your shirts.
Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation.
Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?"
Two words: clean socks.
Two MORE words: clean underwear.
Believe it or not, you're probably NOT more attractive when you're drunk.
Burping is not sexy.
Farting ceases to be funny after the 7th grade.
Making excuses for being an *** is bad. Learning how to admit you were wrong and apologize, is good.
Supportive is good. Patronizing is bad.
She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you think she is.
Ditto for your discourse on football.
Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound.
She might show more interest in YOUR hobbies if you genuinely show some interest in HERS.
"Will you marry me?" is good. "Let's shack up together" is bad.
Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.
Don't assume PMS doesn't exist.
No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without notice.
"But, we kiss..." is not justification for using her toothbrush. You don't clean plaque with your tongue.
Basic courtesy and respect for feminism are NOT mutually exclusive.
Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it.
If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don't act like a complete jerk until she does it for you.
Don't tell her you love her if you don't.
Tell her you love her if you do. Often.
Always, always suck up to her brother.
The underwear your mother buys you is NOT sexy.
Think boxers.
Silk boxers.
Unless you have a GQ body. Then think French Cut. Silk French Cut.
Remember Valentine's Day, and any cheesy "anniversary" she so-names.
Don't expect HER to remember your mother's birthday or buy the gift.
Don't try to change the way she dresses.
Learn to dress yourself. Men's clothing comes in more colors than blue, black and grey, and more styles than t-shirts and jeans.
Her haircut is never bad.
Don't let your friends pick on her.
Don't ask her to fix your friends up with HER friends.
Call.
Don't lie.
When crying occurs you caused it and should fix it. Perfect time for a gift.
Watching Star Trek or any type of non-romance movie/ T.V. show should also be rewarded in a gift.
The toilet seat prefers to be down. Gravity; any questions?
When we ask if we are fat, we are looking for a "NO I love you just the way you are" answer.
Cindy Crawford cuts her hair why can't we?
We are not always thinking of you.
We are not always looking for the perfect gift... some gift is better than no gift, and we realize it is the thought that counts.
Our Cats truly are special friends.
Shopping is not a sport, it's an adventure.
We value your opinion on our outfits and perhaps you should ask for direction when you are dressing.
Wearing the same clothes because they are on top of the pile is not acceptable.
If we had enough clothes or shoes then why are there so many stores?
When we ask for something we want it then!! Don't wait for a birthday, etc. you may for get what it is that we want.
If you cant be expected to hit the toilet, we can't be expected to find the oil.
When the lights come on in the car, we let you know when we get around to it.
Three pairs of shoes in not a selection, its a crisis!
Boots, old tennis shoes, and grass shoes are not adequate shoe choices.
We don't believe you when you say you'll be right home.
Yes and No are not answers, you are not on trial and we are not your attorney.
We remember what you say regardless of how long its been. Why can't you?
Saying what you think we want to hear gets you in more trouble! Stop while you are ahead.
There are no good sports.
Why can't you ask for directions?
Why can't you follow directions?
How can we be expected to tell you about our day in just 30 seconds when it took all day to happen?
You too can order Pizza.
Chinese Food is a meal.
Chips and Dip are NOT a meal.
Why don't you know all of these rules?
The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact that she has to go through labor while you sit in the waiting room on your *** smoking cigars isn't fair either, and it balances everything.
Rules for Men (as written by Women)
Don't lie.
Call.
Never tape any of her body parts together.
If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.
If guys' night out is going to involve strippers, remember the zoo rules: No Petting.
Don't expect her to clean up after YOUR buddies have been over.
The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."
Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?"
Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.
Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.
Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.
Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is tacky.
Unless she likes that sort of thing.
If you ARE going to get her lingerie, get her the kind of things SHE likes to wear - NOT what YOU'D like to see her in.
And for god's sake, get her size right. It's not THAT hard.
A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.
If you don't want another mother, don't act like a child.
None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed.
Don't buy the $9.99/dozen roses on the way home -- They tell her you are not only unimaginative, you're cheap.
Her cooking is excellent.
That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking.
You are a capable adult. Don't feign incompetence around the house in some feeble attempt to get her to "do it for you".
Notice when the floor crunches beneath your feet. You too can learn to use a broom (or vaccuum).
Dishsoap is your friend.
Learn to clean in and around a toilet. Especially since YOU are the one who "misses" it.
Hat does not equal shower, aftershave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean.
Five O'Clock stubble has all the erotic qualities of sandpaper.
Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.
You too, can learn to iron your shirts.
Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation.
Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?"
Two words: clean socks.
Two MORE words: clean underwear.
Believe it or not, you're probably NOT more attractive when you're drunk.
Burping is not sexy.
Farting ceases to be funny after the 7th grade.
Making excuses for being an *** is bad. Learning how to admit you were wrong and apologize, is good.
Supportive is good. Patronizing is bad.
She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you think she is.
Ditto for your discourse on football.
Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound.
She might show more interest in YOUR hobbies if you genuinely show some interest in HERS.
"Will you marry me?" is good. "Let's shack up together" is bad.
Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.
Don't assume PMS doesn't exist.
No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without notice.
"But, we kiss..." is not justification for using her toothbrush. You don't clean plaque with your tongue.
Basic courtesy and respect for feminism are NOT mutually exclusive.
Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it.
If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don't act like a complete jerk until she does it for you.
Don't tell her you love her if you don't.
Tell her you love her if you do. Often.
Always, always suck up to her brother.
The underwear your mother buys you is NOT sexy.
Think boxers.
Silk boxers.
Unless you have a GQ body. Then think French Cut. Silk French Cut.
Remember Valentine's Day, and any cheesy "anniversary" she so-names.
Don't expect HER to remember your mother's birthday or buy the gift.
Don't try to change the way she dresses.
Learn to dress yourself. Men's clothing comes in more colors than blue, black and grey, and more styles than t-shirts and jeans.
Her haircut is never bad.
Don't let your friends pick on her.
Don't ask her to fix your friends up with HER friends.
Call.
Don't lie.
When crying occurs you caused it and should fix it. Perfect time for a gift.
Watching Star Trek or any type of non-romance movie/ T.V. show should also be rewarded in a gift.
The toilet seat prefers to be down. Gravity; any questions?
When we ask if we are fat, we are looking for a "NO I love you just the way you are" answer.
Cindy Crawford cuts her hair why can't we?
We are not always thinking of you.
We are not always looking for the perfect gift... some gift is better than no gift, and we realize it is the thought that counts.
Our Cats truly are special friends.
Shopping is not a sport, it's an adventure.
We value your opinion on our outfits and perhaps you should ask for direction when you are dressing.
Wearing the same clothes because they are on top of the pile is not acceptable.
If we had enough clothes or shoes then why are there so many stores?
When we ask for something we want it then!! Don't wait for a birthday, etc. you may for get what it is that we want.
If you cant be expected to hit the toilet, we can't be expected to find the oil.
When the lights come on in the car, we let you know when we get around to it.
Three pairs of shoes in not a selection, its a crisis!
Boots, old tennis shoes, and grass shoes are not adequate shoe choices.
We don't believe you when you say you'll be right home.
Yes and No are not answers, you are not on trial and we are not your attorney.
We remember what you say regardless of how long its been. Why can't you?
Saying what you think we want to hear gets you in more trouble! Stop while you are ahead.
There are no good sports.
Why can't you ask for directions?
Why can't you follow directions?
How can we be expected to tell you about our day in just 30 seconds when it took all day to happen?
You too can order Pizza.
Chinese Food is a meal.
Chips and Dip are NOT a meal.
Why don't you know all of these rules?
The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact that she has to go through labor while you sit in the waiting room on your *** smoking cigars isn't fair either, and it balances everything.
I got to number 3 and realized theres no fun in these rules
09-22-2006, 02:28 AM
#9
Registered User
iTrader: (1)
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Mount Vernon, Washington
Posts: 2,106
Car Info: 2002 WRX
Originally Posted by MBasile
I got to number 3 and realized theres no fun in these rules
NO FUN!!! Who are you kidding, these rules are ridiculous. They are all lies. If they ask a question you have to bite your tongue and humor her or else it will be the truth and she'll get pissed off. What does she expect? It's a setup that you can't win, I fight these battles everyday along with millions of men.
09-22-2006, 04:53 AM
#10
Registered User
iTrader: (2)
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Ewa Beach Hawaii
Posts: 1,049
Car Info: 2015 CWP STI
.................................................. .............
Originally Posted by 4080's_ReiJay
no you didn't.... =)...well i got something for you "GUYS"... =)
Rules for Men (as written by Women)
Don't lie.
Call.
Never tape any of her body parts together.
If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.
If guys' night out is going to involve strippers, remember the zoo rules: No Petting.
Don't expect her to clean up after YOUR buddies have been over.
The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."
Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?"
Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.
Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.
Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.
Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is tacky.
Unless she likes that sort of thing.
If you ARE going to get her lingerie, get her the kind of things SHE likes to wear - NOT what YOU'D like to see her in.
And for god's sake, get her size right. It's not THAT hard.
A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.
If you don't want another mother, don't act like a child.
None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed.
Don't buy the $9.99/dozen roses on the way home -- They tell her you are not only unimaginative, you're cheap.
Her cooking is excellent.
That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking.
You are a capable adult. Don't feign incompetence around the house in some feeble attempt to get her to "do it for you".
Notice when the floor crunches beneath your feet. You too can learn to use a broom (or vaccuum).
Dishsoap is your friend.
Learn to clean in and around a toilet. Especially since YOU are the one who "misses" it.
Hat does not equal shower, aftershave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean.
Five O'Clock stubble has all the erotic qualities of sandpaper.
Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.
You too, can learn to iron your shirts.
Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation.
Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?"
Two words: clean socks.
Two MORE words: clean underwear.
Believe it or not, you're probably NOT more attractive when you're drunk.
Burping is not sexy.
Farting ceases to be funny after the 7th grade.
Making excuses for being an *** is bad. Learning how to admit you were wrong and apologize, is good.
Supportive is good. Patronizing is bad.
She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you think she is.
Ditto for your discourse on football.
Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound.
She might show more interest in YOUR hobbies if you genuinely show some interest in HERS.
"Will you marry me?" is good. "Let's shack up together" is bad.
Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.
Don't assume PMS doesn't exist.
No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without notice.
"But, we kiss..." is not justification for using her toothbrush. You don't clean plaque with your tongue.
Basic courtesy and respect for feminism are NOT mutually exclusive.
Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it.
If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don't act like a complete jerk until she does it for you.
Don't tell her you love her if you don't.
Tell her you love her if you do. Often.
Always, always suck up to her brother.
The underwear your mother buys you is NOT sexy.
Think boxers.
Silk boxers.
Unless you have a GQ body. Then think French Cut. Silk French Cut.
Remember Valentine's Day, and any cheesy "anniversary" she so-names.
Don't expect HER to remember your mother's birthday or buy the gift.
Don't try to change the way she dresses.
Learn to dress yourself. Men's clothing comes in more colors than blue, black and grey, and more styles than t-shirts and jeans.
Her haircut is never bad.
Don't let your friends pick on her.
Don't ask her to fix your friends up with HER friends.
Call.
Don't lie.
When crying occurs you caused it and should fix it. Perfect time for a gift.
Watching Star Trek or any type of non-romance movie/ T.V. show should also be rewarded in a gift.
The toilet seat prefers to be down. Gravity; any questions?
When we ask if we are fat, we are looking for a "NO I love you just the way you are" answer.
Cindy Crawford cuts her hair why can't we?
We are not always thinking of you.
We are not always looking for the perfect gift... some gift is better than no gift, and we realize it is the thought that counts.
Our Cats truly are special friends.
Shopping is not a sport, it's an adventure.
We value your opinion on our outfits and perhaps you should ask for direction when you are dressing.
Wearing the same clothes because they are on top of the pile is not acceptable.
If we had enough clothes or shoes then why are there so many stores?
When we ask for something we want it then!! Don't wait for a birthday, etc. you may for get what it is that we want.
If you cant be expected to hit the toilet, we can't be expected to find the oil.
When the lights come on in the car, we let you know when we get around to it.
Three pairs of shoes in not a selection, its a crisis!
Boots, old tennis shoes, and grass shoes are not adequate shoe choices.
We don't believe you when you say you'll be right home.
Yes and No are not answers, you are not on trial and we are not your attorney.
We remember what you say regardless of how long its been. Why can't you?
Saying what you think we want to hear gets you in more trouble! Stop while you are ahead.
There are no good sports.
Why can't you ask for directions?
Why can't you follow directions?
How can we be expected to tell you about our day in just 30 seconds when it took all day to happen?
You too can order Pizza.
Chinese Food is a meal.
Chips and Dip are NOT a meal.
Why don't you know all of these rules?
The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact that she has to go through labor while you sit in the waiting room on your *** smoking cigars isn't fair either, and it balances everything.
Rules for Men (as written by Women)
Don't lie.
Call.
Never tape any of her body parts together.
If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.
If guys' night out is going to involve strippers, remember the zoo rules: No Petting.
Don't expect her to clean up after YOUR buddies have been over.
The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."
Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?"
Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.
Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.
Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.
Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is tacky.
Unless she likes that sort of thing.
If you ARE going to get her lingerie, get her the kind of things SHE likes to wear - NOT what YOU'D like to see her in.
And for god's sake, get her size right. It's not THAT hard.
A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.
If you don't want another mother, don't act like a child.
None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed.
Don't buy the $9.99/dozen roses on the way home -- They tell her you are not only unimaginative, you're cheap.
Her cooking is excellent.
That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking.
You are a capable adult. Don't feign incompetence around the house in some feeble attempt to get her to "do it for you".
Notice when the floor crunches beneath your feet. You too can learn to use a broom (or vaccuum).
Dishsoap is your friend.
Learn to clean in and around a toilet. Especially since YOU are the one who "misses" it.
Hat does not equal shower, aftershave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean.
Five O'Clock stubble has all the erotic qualities of sandpaper.
Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.
You too, can learn to iron your shirts.
Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation.
Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?"
Two words: clean socks.
Two MORE words: clean underwear.
Believe it or not, you're probably NOT more attractive when you're drunk.
Burping is not sexy.
Farting ceases to be funny after the 7th grade.
Making excuses for being an *** is bad. Learning how to admit you were wrong and apologize, is good.
Supportive is good. Patronizing is bad.
She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you think she is.
Ditto for your discourse on football.
Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound.
She might show more interest in YOUR hobbies if you genuinely show some interest in HERS.
"Will you marry me?" is good. "Let's shack up together" is bad.
Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.
Don't assume PMS doesn't exist.
No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without notice.
"But, we kiss..." is not justification for using her toothbrush. You don't clean plaque with your tongue.
Basic courtesy and respect for feminism are NOT mutually exclusive.
Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it.
If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don't act like a complete jerk until she does it for you.
Don't tell her you love her if you don't.
Tell her you love her if you do. Often.
Always, always suck up to her brother.
The underwear your mother buys you is NOT sexy.
Think boxers.
Silk boxers.
Unless you have a GQ body. Then think French Cut. Silk French Cut.
Remember Valentine's Day, and any cheesy "anniversary" she so-names.
Don't expect HER to remember your mother's birthday or buy the gift.
Don't try to change the way she dresses.
Learn to dress yourself. Men's clothing comes in more colors than blue, black and grey, and more styles than t-shirts and jeans.
Her haircut is never bad.
Don't let your friends pick on her.
Don't ask her to fix your friends up with HER friends.
Call.
Don't lie.
When crying occurs you caused it and should fix it. Perfect time for a gift.
Watching Star Trek or any type of non-romance movie/ T.V. show should also be rewarded in a gift.
The toilet seat prefers to be down. Gravity; any questions?
When we ask if we are fat, we are looking for a "NO I love you just the way you are" answer.
Cindy Crawford cuts her hair why can't we?
We are not always thinking of you.
We are not always looking for the perfect gift... some gift is better than no gift, and we realize it is the thought that counts.
Our Cats truly are special friends.
Shopping is not a sport, it's an adventure.
We value your opinion on our outfits and perhaps you should ask for direction when you are dressing.
Wearing the same clothes because they are on top of the pile is not acceptable.
If we had enough clothes or shoes then why are there so many stores?
When we ask for something we want it then!! Don't wait for a birthday, etc. you may for get what it is that we want.
If you cant be expected to hit the toilet, we can't be expected to find the oil.
When the lights come on in the car, we let you know when we get around to it.
Three pairs of shoes in not a selection, its a crisis!
Boots, old tennis shoes, and grass shoes are not adequate shoe choices.
We don't believe you when you say you'll be right home.
Yes and No are not answers, you are not on trial and we are not your attorney.
We remember what you say regardless of how long its been. Why can't you?
Saying what you think we want to hear gets you in more trouble! Stop while you are ahead.
There are no good sports.
Why can't you ask for directions?
Why can't you follow directions?
How can we be expected to tell you about our day in just 30 seconds when it took all day to happen?
You too can order Pizza.
Chinese Food is a meal.
Chips and Dip are NOT a meal.
Why don't you know all of these rules?
The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact that she has to go through labor while you sit in the waiting room on your *** smoking cigars isn't fair either, and it balances everything.
My ADD kicked in...whats ADD?
09-22-2006, 05:16 AM
#11
Registered User
iTrader: (7)
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: 96816 and.. 02135??
Posts: 1,202
Car Info: Storme..
lol
the only thing i have to say is that for the people men & women who wrote this:
I think yall need to learn to understand your significant other because there are no such thing as rules in a relationship, every relationship is different. If you need rules, chances are the relationship is toast. so better luck next time.
my 2 cents =)
the only thing i have to say is that for the people men & women who wrote this:
I think yall need to learn to understand your significant other because there are no such thing as rules in a relationship, every relationship is different. If you need rules, chances are the relationship is toast. so better luck next time.
my 2 cents =)
09-22-2006, 11:01 AM
#12
Registered User
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: kalihi side
Posts: 174
Car Info: black bugeye
I think both have their equal points, but I think the guys version is way more funny.
I think if a women really believes inall those rules there probably to high maintence for me.
Whats wrong with $10.00 roses?In the rules it says its the thought that counts.
I think if a women really believes inall those rules there probably to high maintence for me.
Whats wrong with $10.00 roses?In the rules it says its the thought that counts.
