Joke thread!!
04-08-2009, 11:50 AM
#76
Registered User
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Mililani, Hi
Posts: 563
Car Info: 01 Impreza 2.5RS (GM6) & '08 Evo MR
i'm tellin' you.... it's pretty sad on how clueless i am on a lot of things....
04-08-2009, 11:59 AM
#77
Registered User
iTrader: (29)
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Hawaii
Posts: 2,289
Car Info: 02' wrb wrx w/ RGII
Why I fired my Secretary.
Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning.
I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me.
As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone " Happy Birthday."
I thought...
Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids...They will remember.
My kids came bouncing downstairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.
As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said,
"Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday !"
It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.
I worked until one o'clock, when Jane knocked on my door
and said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day outside,
and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch,
just you and me."
I said, "Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go !"
We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. She chose instead at a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know,
It's such a beautiful day...We don't need to go straight back to the office, Do We?"
I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind ?"
She said, "Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner."
(Wassap Wit Dat?)
After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said,
" Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom
for just a moment. I'll be right back."
"Ok." I nervously replied.
She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes,
she came out carrying a huge birthday cake ...
Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends
and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".
And I just sat there...
On the couch...
Naked.
haha
nev
Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning.
I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me.
As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone " Happy Birthday."
I thought...
Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids...They will remember.
My kids came bouncing downstairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.
As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said,
"Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday !"
It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.
I worked until one o'clock, when Jane knocked on my door
and said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day outside,
and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch,
just you and me."
I said, "Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go !"
We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. She chose instead at a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know,
It's such a beautiful day...We don't need to go straight back to the office, Do We?"
I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind ?"
She said, "Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner."
(Wassap Wit Dat?)
After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said,
" Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom
for just a moment. I'll be right back."
"Ok." I nervously replied.
She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes,
she came out carrying a huge birthday cake ...
Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends
and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".
And I just sat there...
On the couch...
Naked.
haha
nev
04-08-2009, 04:19 PM
#79
Registered User
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Honolulu - Salt Lake
Posts: 422
Car Info: Silver Subaru WRX 2005 (STI wing and interior)
why i fired my secretary.
Last week was my birthday and i didn't feel very well waking up on that morning.
I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "happy birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me.
As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone " happy birthday."
i thought...
Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids...they will remember.
My kids came bouncing downstairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when i left for the office, i felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.
As i walked into my office, my secretary jane said,
"good morning boss, and by the way happy birthday !"
it felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.
I worked until one o'clock, when jane knocked on my door
and said, "you know, it's such a beautiful day outside,
and it is your birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch,
just you and me."
i said, "thanks, jane, that's the greatest thing i've heard all day. Let's go !"
we went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. She chose instead at a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and i enjoyed the meal tremendously.
On the way back to the office, jane said, "you know,
it's such a beautiful day...we don't need to go straight back to the office, do we?"
i responded, "i guess not. What do you have in mind ?"
she said, "let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner."
(wassap wit dat?)
after arriving at her apartment, jane turned to me and said,
" boss, if you don't mind, i'm going to step into the bedroom
for just a moment. I'll be right back."
"ok." i nervously replied.
She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes,
she came out carrying a huge birthday cake ...
Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends
and co-workers, all singing "happy birthday".
And i just sat there...
On the couch...
Naked.
Haha
nev
Last week was my birthday and i didn't feel very well waking up on that morning.
I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "happy birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me.
As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone " happy birthday."
i thought...
Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids...they will remember.
My kids came bouncing downstairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when i left for the office, i felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.
As i walked into my office, my secretary jane said,
"good morning boss, and by the way happy birthday !"
it felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.
I worked until one o'clock, when jane knocked on my door
and said, "you know, it's such a beautiful day outside,
and it is your birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch,
just you and me."
i said, "thanks, jane, that's the greatest thing i've heard all day. Let's go !"
we went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. She chose instead at a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and i enjoyed the meal tremendously.
On the way back to the office, jane said, "you know,
it's such a beautiful day...we don't need to go straight back to the office, do we?"
i responded, "i guess not. What do you have in mind ?"
she said, "let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner."
(wassap wit dat?)
after arriving at her apartment, jane turned to me and said,
" boss, if you don't mind, i'm going to step into the bedroom
for just a moment. I'll be right back."
"ok." i nervously replied.
She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes,
she came out carrying a huge birthday cake ...
Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends
and co-workers, all singing "happy birthday".
And i just sat there...
On the couch...
Naked.
Haha
nev
rofl classic!
04-08-2009, 04:22 PM
#80
Registered User
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Honolulu - Salt Lake
Posts: 422
Car Info: Silver Subaru WRX 2005 (STI wing and interior)
ROFL i dont feel so bad now!
04-08-2009, 04:27 PM
#81
Registered User
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Honolulu - Salt Lake
Posts: 422
Car Info: Silver Subaru WRX 2005 (STI wing and interior)
Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. "Does your wife ever...well, you know...does she...well, let you do it doggie style?" asked one of the two.
"Well, not exactly," his friend replied,
"She's more into the trick dog aspect of it." "Oh, I see. Kinky stuff, huh?"
"Well, not exactly. Whenever I make a move, she's most likely to roll over and play dead."
"Well, not exactly," his friend replied,
"She's more into the trick dog aspect of it." "Oh, I see. Kinky stuff, huh?"
"Well, not exactly. Whenever I make a move, she's most likely to roll over and play dead."
Two leprechauns have a bet.
To settle their bet, they take it to a convent.
Mother Superior answers the door, and says "Oh my goodness! It's a leprechaun!"
The first Leprechaun replies, "Take it easy sister, I only wanna ask you a question. Are there any nuns in your convent that are my size?"
"No, little man, there is no nuns in my convent that are your size."
"Alright then. Are there any nuns in all of Ireland that are my size?"
"No, little man, there are no nuns in all of Ireland that are your size."
"Alright then. One more question: Are there any nuns in the entire world that are my size?"
"No, little man, I am quite sure there are no nuns in all of the word that are your size!"
"Okay then." The second leprechaun starts laughing his *** off. But through the laughter, he manages to say "You see, I told you "boinked" a penguin!"
To settle their bet, they take it to a convent.
Mother Superior answers the door, and says "Oh my goodness! It's a leprechaun!"
The first Leprechaun replies, "Take it easy sister, I only wanna ask you a question. Are there any nuns in your convent that are my size?"
"No, little man, there is no nuns in my convent that are your size."
"Alright then. Are there any nuns in all of Ireland that are my size?"
"No, little man, there are no nuns in all of Ireland that are your size."
"Alright then. One more question: Are there any nuns in the entire world that are my size?"
"No, little man, I am quite sure there are no nuns in all of the word that are your size!"
"Okay then." The second leprechaun starts laughing his *** off. But through the laughter, he manages to say "You see, I told you "boinked" a penguin!"
3 generations of prostitutes were enjoying an evening at home. The daughter just coming home from a job complaining to her mother on how she just only made a lousy $100 today. The mother simply replied if you think that is rough back in my day we only made $25 a day. The grandmother over hearing the conversation then sharply replied HA if you think that is bad back in my day we were just happy to have something warm in our stomachs.
eep! thats crazy
04-08-2009, 05:11 PM
#82
Registered User
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Mililani, Hi
Posts: 563
Car Info: 01 Impreza 2.5RS (GM6) & '08 Evo MR
me... ha ha!
04-25-2009, 01:59 PM
#86
Registered User
iTrader: (20)
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Hawaii
Posts: 1,635
Car Info: 08 Nissan Titan, 12 MazdaSpeed 3, 15 Honda CRV
"Magic *****" Joke
2 brides maids go last minute shopping for a gag gift for a wedding shower for their best friend. They stop at a unique exotic shop and started looking around. Not knowing what to get, they ask they lady at the register that they were looking for something "special"...
They lady takes a look around and pulls from under the desk a wooden box and says "In this box I have a Magical *****" that will perform and do anything you ask it to do"..
The 2 bridesmaid shook their heads and said "prove it!". So the lady opens the lid of box and says "Magic ***** my register"...and the ***** jumps out of the box and starts vibrating on top of the register with amazement...Without any hesitation, the 2 girls buy it on the spot...
On the way to the wedding shower in their white, stage II, 2006 STI with HKS Coilovers, turbo-back exhaust, etc.. (well you know how it is
), the girls get anxious and said "Magic ***** Vibrate!"
Sure enough the ***** starts to vibrate and both girls get so excited a policeman sees them swerving in their lane and chases to pull them over.. The girls seeing the policeman quickly grabs the ***** and shoves it back into the box as the policeman peers thru the window. With his hand on his weapon, the policeman shouts to them "Get your hands up,..What is in that box?!!
The girls not knowing how to explain whisper to the cop,.. "Umm..a Magic *****",...
The policeman looks at both of them and says,..MAGIC ***** MY ***!!!!"
BZZZZZ,..... lol!
2 brides maids go last minute shopping for a gag gift for a wedding shower for their best friend. They stop at a unique exotic shop and started looking around. Not knowing what to get, they ask they lady at the register that they were looking for something "special"...
They lady takes a look around and pulls from under the desk a wooden box and says "In this box I have a Magical *****" that will perform and do anything you ask it to do"..
The 2 bridesmaid shook their heads and said "prove it!". So the lady opens the lid of box and says "Magic ***** my register"...and the ***** jumps out of the box and starts vibrating on top of the register with amazement...Without any hesitation, the 2 girls buy it on the spot...
On the way to the wedding shower in their white, stage II, 2006 STI with HKS Coilovers, turbo-back exhaust, etc.. (well you know how it is
), the girls get anxious and said "Magic ***** Vibrate!" Sure enough the ***** starts to vibrate and both girls get so excited a policeman sees them swerving in their lane and chases to pull them over.. The girls seeing the policeman quickly grabs the ***** and shoves it back into the box as the policeman peers thru the window. With his hand on his weapon, the policeman shouts to them "Get your hands up,..What is in that box?!!
The girls not knowing how to explain whisper to the cop,.. "Umm..a Magic *****",...
The policeman looks at both of them and says,..MAGIC ***** MY ***!!!!"
BZZZZZ,..... lol!
04-25-2009, 03:42 PM
#88
Registered User
Thread Starter
iTrader: (5)
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: not in your rear view!!
Posts: 1,892
Car Info: 04 sti now pulling hard but super greasy!!
"Magic " Joke
2 maids go last minute for a gag gift for a for their best . They stop at a unique exotic shop and started looking around. Not knowing what to get, they ask they lady at the register that they were looking for something "special"...
They lady takes a look around and pulls from under the desk a wooden box and says "In this box I have a Magical *****" that will perform and do anything you ask it to do"..
The 2 bridesmaid shook their heads and said "prove it!". So the lady opens the lid of box and says "Magic ***** my register"...and the ***** jumps out of the box and starts vibrating on top of the register with amazement...Without any hesitation, the 2 buy it on the spot...
On the way to the wedding shower in their white, stage II, 2006 STI with HKS Coilovers, turbo-back exhaust, etc.. (well you know how it is ), the girls get anxious and said "Magic ***** Vibrate!"
Sure enough the ***** starts to vibrate and both girls get so excited a policeman sees them swerving in their lane and chases to pull them over.. The girls seeing the policeman quickly grabs the ***** and shoves it back into the box as the policeman peers thru the window. With his hand on his weapon, the policeman shouts to them "Get your hands up,..What is in that box?!!
The girls not knowing how to explain whisper to the cop,.. "Umm..a Magic *****",...
The policeman looks at both of them and says,..MAGIC ***** !!!!"
BZZZZZ,..... lol!
2 maids go last minute for a gag gift for a for their best . They stop at a unique exotic shop and started looking around. Not knowing what to get, they ask they lady at the register that they were looking for something "special"...
They lady takes a look around and pulls from under the desk a wooden box and says "In this box I have a Magical *****" that will perform and do anything you ask it to do"..
The 2 bridesmaid shook their heads and said "prove it!". So the lady opens the lid of box and says "Magic ***** my register"...and the ***** jumps out of the box and starts vibrating on top of the register with amazement...Without any hesitation, the 2 buy it on the spot...
On the way to the wedding shower in their white, stage II, 2006 STI with HKS Coilovers, turbo-back exhaust, etc.. (well you know how it is
), the girls get anxious and said "Magic ***** Vibrate!" Sure enough the ***** starts to vibrate and both girls get so excited a policeman sees them swerving in their lane and chases to pull them over.. The girls seeing the policeman quickly grabs the ***** and shoves it back into the box as the policeman peers thru the window. With his hand on his weapon, the policeman shouts to them "Get your hands up,..What is in that box?!!
The girls not knowing how to explain whisper to the cop,.. "Umm..a Magic *****",...
The policeman looks at both of them and says,..MAGIC ***** !!!!"
BZZZZZ,..... lol!
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