Found this online, searched and didn't find it here, so I'm posting :P


Rules For Your Wife/Girlfriend


Please note...these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something, or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you
don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, football, or basketball and yes even nascar.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

hehehhe.. I'm going to be sleeping on the couch for this one

 

i don't know about that one

 

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

so true hahahah

 

ahhh yes hahahaha i love it

i think the funniest part is that almost everyline is true

 

great find!

 

you guys aren't married, are you. :rotfl:

 

shadowcat IS married

 

hahahahahahah that is HELL of funny awesome find!!

 

LOL, thats what I was thinking too......but I am gonna change it to "yes, even motorsports." That way anything with an engine is covered! BWHAHAHAHA

I am gonna print this out and show it to my g/f......this list describes just about EVERYTHING I have TRIED to tell her over and over, time and time again. Awesome find! and thank you!


-Ted

 

posting this one next to my wife's nighstand....see what she says LOL

 

Good luck with that one... :rotfl:

 

yeah, she'll prolly just laugh at me :wiggle:

 

I posted an avatar for you in the flip thread.

 

thanks, but i like the girl with the boobies better hahah

 

you forgot "no hands and a whole lot of spit"