i'm bored, so here's some jokes :p
10-03-2003, 05:16 PM
#46
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WOW. That's friggin' huge for a Cantonese guy! Oh man and I thought I was the biggest Dirty South boy around... well, time to go reevaluate my life... just kiddin' 
10-03-2003, 05:53 PM
#47
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yeah.. the first time i met him, i just stared.. 
it's a little better now, but still everytime i see him, i can't help think: dang... that's a big guy.. i feel SOOO tiny.. and i'm not that short.. haha
it's a little better now, but still everytime i see him, i can't help think: dang... that's a big guy.. i feel SOOO tiny.. and i'm not that short.. haha
10-03-2003, 09:02 PM
#48
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A young boy and his parents are on a trip to the zoo. They see all the usual sights- lions, tigers, bears, the reptile house, birds, etc. Near the end of their trip they come to the primate exhibits. The zoo has set up a feeding cage for a chimpanzee where you can toss him food. Naturally the child wishes to feed the chimp, so his parents buy a bag of peanuts for the task. The kid tosses the chimp the first peanut, which the chimp promptly proceeds to shove up his **** prior to eating. Dumbfounded, the child's parents throw him another. Again, the chimp shoves the peanut up his **** before eating it. Twice more they toss him nuts; twice more he repeats his routine. Horrified, they call to a zookeeper to ask why the chimp is acting so strangely. The zookeeper tells them "Well, last week, someone threw him a peach and he ate it whole. Now he likes to check to make sure everything comes out alright in the end."
10-03-2003, 10:13 PM
#50
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A man is driving down a deserted highway, and notices a
sign that reads.. SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF
PROSTITUTION - 10 MILES
He thinks it was a figment of his imagination... drives on.
Soon, he sees another sign which says... SISTERS OF
MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION - 5 MILES
Realizing these signs are for real, he drives on, and sure
enough, there is a third... SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE
OF PROSTITUTION - NEXT RIGHT His curiosity gets the
best of him, and he pulls into the driveway. On the far
side of the parking lot, is a somber stone building with a sign
on the door that reads... SISTERS OF MERCY He climbs the
steps, rings the bell, and the door is answered by a nun in a
long black habit, who asks..."What may we do for you, my
son?" "I saw your signs along the highway, and was
interested in possibly doing some business," he answers.
"Very well, my son. Please follow me," says the nun. He is
led through many winding passages, and soon he is very
disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the
man, "Please, knock on this door" and leaves. The man
does as he is told, and this door is opened by another nun
in a long black habit, holding a tin cup. This nun instructs:
"Please place $50.00 in the cup, then go through the large
wooden door at the end of this hallway." He places the
money in this nun's tin cup. He trots eagerly down the
hallway, and slips through the door, pulling it shut. As
the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking
lot, facing another small sign:
Go In Peace. You have just been screwed by the Sisters Of
Mercy.
sign that reads.. SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF
PROSTITUTION - 10 MILES
He thinks it was a figment of his imagination... drives on.
Soon, he sees another sign which says... SISTERS OF
MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION - 5 MILES
Realizing these signs are for real, he drives on, and sure
enough, there is a third... SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE
OF PROSTITUTION - NEXT RIGHT His curiosity gets the
best of him, and he pulls into the driveway. On the far
side of the parking lot, is a somber stone building with a sign
on the door that reads... SISTERS OF MERCY He climbs the
steps, rings the bell, and the door is answered by a nun in a
long black habit, who asks..."What may we do for you, my
son?" "I saw your signs along the highway, and was
interested in possibly doing some business," he answers.
"Very well, my son. Please follow me," says the nun. He is
led through many winding passages, and soon he is very
disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the
man, "Please, knock on this door" and leaves. The man
does as he is told, and this door is opened by another nun
in a long black habit, holding a tin cup. This nun instructs:
"Please place $50.00 in the cup, then go through the large
wooden door at the end of this hallway." He places the
money in this nun's tin cup. He trots eagerly down the
hallway, and slips through the door, pulling it shut. As
the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking
lot, facing another small sign:
Go In Peace. You have just been screwed by the Sisters Of
Mercy.
10-03-2003, 11:26 PM
#51
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A man was having a horrendous day so he decides to go golfing. Even worse there til hes about to tee off and hears a "ribbit 3 wood ribbit 3 wood" Realizing that his day cant get any worse, he decides to listen to the talking frog at his feet and smacks the ball with his 3 wood. HOLE IN ONE! "Wahoo! Ive got a magic talkin frog!" He says, "Froggie, we're going to Vegas!" Once at Vegas the man empties out his life savings, stops at Ceasars Palace and hits up the roulette tables. "Okay froggie, how are we going to place our money?" "Ribbit double zero ribbit double zero" And he wins! This continues for the rest of the night until the man has won an extravagant amount of money and Ceasars comps him with a high rollers room. The man continues into the night celebrating but notices that the frog is just sitting there looking at him. "Froggie, you've done so much for me, is there anything I can get you?" "Ribbit kiss me ribbit kiss me." "Well, since you've done so much for me I'll do this for you." So the man bends down and kisses the frog. As soon as he does theres a loud BANG, lights flash and smoke fills the room. When the haze finally clears the man looks up and notices theres a drop dead georgeous 16 year old girl standing there.......
And THAT, Your Honor, is how she got into my room!!!!!!!
buh dum bump, ching!
Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week, don't forget to tip your waitress!
josh
And THAT, Your Honor, is how she got into my room!!!!!!!
buh dum bump, ching!
Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week, don't forget to tip your waitress!
josh
10-04-2003, 03:47 AM
#52
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Originally posted by babysmurf
A man is driving down a deserted highway, and notices a
sign that reads.. SISTERS OF MERCY, GET SCREWED FOR 50 BUCKS- 10 MILES
He thinks it was a figment of his imagination... drives on.
Soon, he sees another sign which says... SISTERS OF
MERCY, GET SCREWED FOR 50 BUCKS- 5 MILES
Realizing these signs are for real, he drives on, and sure
enough, there is a third... SISTERS OF MERCY, GET SCREWED FOR 50 BUCKS- NEXT RIGHT His curiosity gets the
best of him, and he pulls into the driveway. On the far
side of the parking lot, is a somber stone building with a sign
on the door that reads... SISTERS OF MERCY He climbs the
steps, rings the bell, and the door is answered by a nun in a
long black habit, who asks..."What may we do for you, my
son?" "I saw your signs along the highway, and was
interested in possibly doing some business," he answers.
"Very well, my son. Please follow me," says the nun. He is
led through many winding passages, and soon he is very
disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the
man, "Please, knock on this door" and leaves. The man
does as he is told, and this door is opened by another nun
in a long black habit, holding a tin cup. This nun instructs:
"Please place $50.00 in the cup, then go through the large
wooden door at the end of this hallway." He places the
money in this nun's tin cup. He trots eagerly down the
hallway, and slips through the door, pulling it shut. As
the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking
lot, facing another small sign:
Go In Peace. You have just been screwed for 50 bucks by the Sisters Of Mercy.
A man is driving down a deserted highway, and notices a
sign that reads.. SISTERS OF MERCY, GET SCREWED FOR 50 BUCKS- 10 MILES
He thinks it was a figment of his imagination... drives on.
Soon, he sees another sign which says... SISTERS OF
MERCY, GET SCREWED FOR 50 BUCKS- 5 MILES
Realizing these signs are for real, he drives on, and sure
enough, there is a third... SISTERS OF MERCY, GET SCREWED FOR 50 BUCKS- NEXT RIGHT His curiosity gets the
best of him, and he pulls into the driveway. On the far
side of the parking lot, is a somber stone building with a sign
on the door that reads... SISTERS OF MERCY He climbs the
steps, rings the bell, and the door is answered by a nun in a
long black habit, who asks..."What may we do for you, my
son?" "I saw your signs along the highway, and was
interested in possibly doing some business," he answers.
"Very well, my son. Please follow me," says the nun. He is
led through many winding passages, and soon he is very
disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the
man, "Please, knock on this door" and leaves. The man
does as he is told, and this door is opened by another nun
in a long black habit, holding a tin cup. This nun instructs:
"Please place $50.00 in the cup, then go through the large
wooden door at the end of this hallway." He places the
money in this nun's tin cup. He trots eagerly down the
hallway, and slips through the door, pulling it shut. As
the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking
lot, facing another small sign:
Go In Peace. You have just been screwed for 50 bucks by the Sisters Of Mercy.
10-05-2003, 11:44 AM
#54
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lil off the topic, but I don't notice that chinese dudes are all that short...I'm 6'0, my pops is 6'1, my gramps was 6'2 and all my chinese buddies are at least 5'9-'10. Tallest one is a gangly 6 '6 Sorry to all the vertically inclined, but I don't understand the generalization. Maybe this is just my neck of the woods. I enjoy looking down at a girl before the smoochie woochy
10-05-2003, 12:35 PM
#55
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Man and his son are walking through a Longs Drugs when the son sees the condom display.
"Dad, what are those?" asks the son pointing at the rack of condoms.
"Son, those are what men use to protect their women from disease and pregnancy." replies dad.
Son picks up a 3 pack,"What are these for?"
"Those are for single men, one for Friday, one for Saturday and one for Sunday."
Son pointing to a 6 pack,"What are these for?"
"Those are for college boys, two for Friday, two for Saturday and two for Sunday"
Son motioning to a 12 pack,"What are these for?"
"Those are for married men, one for January, one for February...."
"Dad, what are those?" asks the son pointing at the rack of condoms.
"Son, those are what men use to protect their women from disease and pregnancy." replies dad.
Son picks up a 3 pack,"What are these for?"
"Those are for single men, one for Friday, one for Saturday and one for Sunday."
Son pointing to a 6 pack,"What are these for?"
"Those are for college boys, two for Friday, two for Saturday and two for Sunday"
Son motioning to a 12 pack,"What are these for?"
"Those are for married men, one for January, one for February...."
10-05-2003, 01:14 PM
#56
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Location: Reno, NV
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Originally posted by verc
I didn't get the peach and the **** chimp one...
I didn't get the peach and the **** chimp one...
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