I need BAIC Advice (Serious)
09-05-2007, 12:52 AM
#31
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My first though while reading this was your friend is at fault for using his ex in the first place. If he never really had affection for her, he shouldn't have initiated it in the first place.
However, at the same time, it's obvious that his ex had no affection for him either as she went to another guy to fulfill her companionship needs. She obviously wanted to be with this guy similar to how your friend wanted to be with the girl he went out with so quickly. Normally, it's not such a huge deal that they both split it off since they both had no real attachment to each other and were able to move on so quickly, but why is your friend even in contact with the ex? They both did wrongs and they both need to go on their own ways.
My advice: He needs to cut off all communication until they both have no emotional attachment and can move past what happened.
However, at the same time, it's obvious that his ex had no affection for him either as she went to another guy to fulfill her companionship needs. She obviously wanted to be with this guy similar to how your friend wanted to be with the girl he went out with so quickly. Normally, it's not such a huge deal that they both split it off since they both had no real attachment to each other and were able to move on so quickly, but why is your friend even in contact with the ex? They both did wrongs and they both need to go on their own ways.
My advice: He needs to cut off all communication until they both have no emotional attachment and can move past what happened.
09-05-2007, 01:14 AM
#32
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My first though while reading this was your friend is at fault for using his ex in the first place. If he never really had affection for her, he shouldn't have initiated it in the first place.
However, at the same time, it's obvious that his ex had no affection for him either as she went to another guy to fulfill her companionship needs. She obviously wanted to be with this guy similar to how your friend wanted to be with the girl he went out with so quickly. Normally, it's not such a huge deal that they both split it off since they both had no real attachment to each other and were able to move on so quickly, but why is your friend even in contact with the ex? They both did wrongs and they both need to go on their own ways.
My advice: He needs to cut off all communication until they both have no emotional attachment and can move past what happened.
However, at the same time, it's obvious that his ex had no affection for him either as she went to another guy to fulfill her companionship needs. She obviously wanted to be with this guy similar to how your friend wanted to be with the girl he went out with so quickly. Normally, it's not such a huge deal that they both split it off since they both had no real attachment to each other and were able to move on so quickly, but why is your friend even in contact with the ex? They both did wrongs and they both need to go on their own ways.
My advice: He needs to cut off all communication until they both have no emotional attachment and can move past what happened.
Man, I'm so glad that I'm pretty devoid of those sort of emotions... Must suck the D to be in his shoes... I always call him an emo bizatch (those words exactly). hehehe.
09-05-2007, 01:35 AM
#33
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I'm not going to read all the responses, but hopefully its already been said. When you're done you're done...and that goes for both parties. And it shouldn't matter what she thinks/says because you shouldn't be talking to her if shes gonna be weird and stupid like that
09-05-2007, 08:37 AM
#34
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The girl is just angry that he's moving on so quickly. It could be that she really loved him at one point, but during the year when they became comfortable with each other, the guy stops doing all the impressive/romantic things that he used to do for her and she probably stopped doing some things herself. Towards the end she probably felt she needed to be with someone else who could spark some fire. Maybe she was thinking that he didn't put much effort into their relationship and it hurts her to see that he is ready to put his effort elsewhere.
A lot of times when a relationship ends up sour, both guy and girl only see how much the other person has hurt them, but can't look past that and see what faults they had contributed.
It will probably take some time for both of them to realize what they did wrong in the relationship, but it definitely won't help them when their mutual friends are taking sides. Their friends have no rights whatsoever to be doing that. It only just helps sway the individuals that was in the relationship to think that they are in the right.
A lot of times when a relationship ends up sour, both guy and girl only see how much the other person has hurt them, but can't look past that and see what faults they had contributed.
It will probably take some time for both of them to realize what they did wrong in the relationship, but it definitely won't help them when their mutual friends are taking sides. Their friends have no rights whatsoever to be doing that. It only just helps sway the individuals that was in the relationship to think that they are in the right.
i agree....that's definately a girl's point of view...notice how none of the guys look at it like this....
09-05-2007, 09:51 AM
#36
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The girl is just angry that he's moving on so quickly. It could be that she really loved him at one point, but during the year when they became comfortable with each other, the guy stops doing all the impressive/romantic things that he used to do for her and she probably stopped doing some things herself. Towards the end she probably felt she needed to be with someone else who could spark some fire. Maybe she was thinking that he didn't put much effort into their relationship and it hurts her to see that he is ready to put his effort elsewhere.
A lot of times when a relationship ends up sour, both guy and girl only see how much the other person has hurt them, but can't look past that and see what faults they had contributed.
It will probably take some time for both of them to realize what they did wrong in the relationship, but it definitely won't help them when their mutual friends are taking sides. Their friends have no rights whatsoever to be doing that. It only just helps sway the individuals that was in the relationship to think that they are in the right.
A lot of times when a relationship ends up sour, both guy and girl only see how much the other person has hurt them, but can't look past that and see what faults they had contributed.
It will probably take some time for both of them to realize what they did wrong in the relationship, but it definitely won't help them when their mutual friends are taking sides. Their friends have no rights whatsoever to be doing that. It only just helps sway the individuals that was in the relationship to think that they are in the right.
09-05-2007, 10:18 AM
#39
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I think it's good to have different points of view, and you both are right in the regards that I'd never see it like this without someone pointing it out to me. I just have one question to ask. If the ex-gf really loved the guy, but it was the her who ended the relationship, why did the she look elsewhere for companionship instead of communicating her needs to the guy?
09-05-2007, 10:53 AM
#41
KareBear
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I think it's good to have different points of view, and you both are right in the regards that I'd never see it like this without someone pointing it out to me. I just have one question to ask. If the ex-gf really loved the guy, but it was the her who ended the relationship, why did the she look elsewhere for companionship instead of communicating her needs to the guy?
Also, her ex-bf didn't love her as much as this new girl he is seeing. If you knew your bf or gf isn't as lovey dovey to you as they should be, wouldn't you find it hard to communicate to that person? Who is to say she didn't try to communicate to him? Maybe she did, but he didn't listen or hear her? Maybe she tried to, but every word always came out wrong. We don't know her side of the story.
A lot of times it's easier to just give up than work on a relationship. Her ex-bf probably never helped encourage her that things could work out, but that is something I don't know. It is quite obvious that he didn't love her much if he can turn around in a week and date someone new.
No matter who is the cheater, the person that gets hurt usually doesn't bounce back so quickly.
09-05-2007, 11:12 AM
#42
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My ex gf pulled the exact same thing with me, but actually hooked up with the said friend. the big issue was, he was one of my close friends that i used to skate with.
no matter what had happened before, all the nice things and the memories, sometimes the best thing to do is to just break ties and completely move on.
no matter what had happened before, all the nice things and the memories, sometimes the best thing to do is to just break ties and completely move on.
09-05-2007, 11:22 AM
#43
09-05-2007, 11:45 AM
#44
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Put simply - yeah, that sounds about right. I never understand why they cannot look at it and go "hmm, I'm happier - he's happier, yay" and move on. Sounds like the relationship wasn't great for either side to begin with, she took the easy way out (finding new companionship) and is now pissed that he's not sad and pining over her. He shouldn't give her another care.
09-05-2007, 11:48 AM
#45
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So far in my experiences, I have never seen a case when this was not the best thing to do every time. My ex and I kept going back to each other for like 8 months after we broke up because she was cheating, it was the stupidest thing I have ever done ever. Once I moved and she didn't know my address, life started up again.