How badly do you need a Job?
03-17-2009, 10:52 AM
#10
just incase it gets removed....
lawlz
Fine, Don't ****ing Hire Me, You Can't Handle My ****
Date: 2008-12-02, 10:34PM CST
What the **** people! I need a mother****in job, and I have a resume that says I am ****ing fit to be your goddamn front desk/administrative assistant. I have applied to a ton of jobs on here, and not one of them responded, WHAT THE ****?!
Cover Letter? Here's my ****ing cover letter!
Now, I'm really low on money, and I'll suck a dick if I have to...that's right!
Got a bear in your backyard that keeps eating your garbage? I'll fight that mother****er and I'll win! Can any other prospective employee say that?! **** NO! What'd you say? You lost your keys? **** IT! I'll shoot the goddamn lock off your door with my laser eyes! That's how bad I need a mother****in job! Your brother is gay and you're not cool with that? I'll de-gay him with reverse buttsex. Don't believe me?! Then hire me and I'll ****ing show you!
OBJECTIVE
I need a mother****in job.
**** I HAVE DONE
-I invented the moon.
-Atlantis was around til 1988, but sunk when I shot out of my mom's vagina like a silver bullet into a wolverine.
-I am also a wolverine.
-Had sex with the Spice Girls.
-The ******* machine was originally my idea until that bastard Clint Eastwood stole it.
-I have prophetic visions of the apocolypse.
-Watched the movie "Juwanna Mann" at least 18 times. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0247444/
-Created a new genre of dance in which people get so into it that radiation waves pulsate off of them, I like to call this the microrave.
-I reverse engineered a door, I now know how it works.
-When I was 8, a frisbee flew into my backyard and I blew it up with my mind.
-My brother is the Eiffel Tower
-Direct descendant of Beowulf
-Can make weapons out of anything, very useful in a hostile work environment
-Beat my pornography addiction when I was 19
-Proficient in Microsoft Office and Photoshop
RELEVANT WORK EXPERIENCE
GlomGlom Corporation of Evil Doing
POSITION: Front Desk/Administrative Assistant
DUTIES: Setting up sex scandals in which to blackmail wealthy politicians, forwarding email, burning down the houses of the poor, loan sharking, answering phones, greeting clients in a manner that would frighten most people
GreenHate Enterprises
POSITION: Once Again, I was a ****ing Front Desk/Administrative Assistant
DUTIES: Organizing the dumping of bio-waste into the ocean, peeing in lakes, digging holes to fill with garbage, making garbage out of perfectly good and useful items, filling said wholes with said garbage, creating fake facts about Greenpeace and publishing them on the internet(I am internet savvy), good at filing...documents of hate.
REFERENCES
Glomgor Evil
GlomGlom Corporation of Evil Doings
gorlock@peanutbutternipples.com
Sloblor the Muck Monster
GreenHate Enterprises
sloblor@greenhate.com
So, now that you know the real me, are you gonna hire me or not? I would like to remind you that I can make weapons out of anything.
Sincerely,
Steve Madonna
stevemadonnayeah@gmail.com
remember.....anything.
Location: Chicago
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 942873935
Date: 2008-12-02, 10:34PM CST
What the **** people! I need a mother****in job, and I have a resume that says I am ****ing fit to be your goddamn front desk/administrative assistant. I have applied to a ton of jobs on here, and not one of them responded, WHAT THE ****?!
Cover Letter? Here's my ****ing cover letter!
Now, I'm really low on money, and I'll suck a dick if I have to...that's right!
Got a bear in your backyard that keeps eating your garbage? I'll fight that mother****er and I'll win! Can any other prospective employee say that?! **** NO! What'd you say? You lost your keys? **** IT! I'll shoot the goddamn lock off your door with my laser eyes! That's how bad I need a mother****in job! Your brother is gay and you're not cool with that? I'll de-gay him with reverse buttsex. Don't believe me?! Then hire me and I'll ****ing show you!
OBJECTIVE
I need a mother****in job.
**** I HAVE DONE
-I invented the moon.
-Atlantis was around til 1988, but sunk when I shot out of my mom's vagina like a silver bullet into a wolverine.
-I am also a wolverine.
-Had sex with the Spice Girls.
-The ******* machine was originally my idea until that bastard Clint Eastwood stole it.
-I have prophetic visions of the apocolypse.
-Watched the movie "Juwanna Mann" at least 18 times. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0247444/
-Created a new genre of dance in which people get so into it that radiation waves pulsate off of them, I like to call this the microrave.
-I reverse engineered a door, I now know how it works.
-When I was 8, a frisbee flew into my backyard and I blew it up with my mind.
-My brother is the Eiffel Tower
-Direct descendant of Beowulf
-Can make weapons out of anything, very useful in a hostile work environment
-Beat my pornography addiction when I was 19
-Proficient in Microsoft Office and Photoshop
RELEVANT WORK EXPERIENCE
GlomGlom Corporation of Evil Doing
POSITION: Front Desk/Administrative Assistant
DUTIES: Setting up sex scandals in which to blackmail wealthy politicians, forwarding email, burning down the houses of the poor, loan sharking, answering phones, greeting clients in a manner that would frighten most people
GreenHate Enterprises
POSITION: Once Again, I was a ****ing Front Desk/Administrative Assistant
DUTIES: Organizing the dumping of bio-waste into the ocean, peeing in lakes, digging holes to fill with garbage, making garbage out of perfectly good and useful items, filling said wholes with said garbage, creating fake facts about Greenpeace and publishing them on the internet(I am internet savvy), good at filing...documents of hate.
REFERENCES
Glomgor Evil
GlomGlom Corporation of Evil Doings
gorlock@peanutbutternipples.com
Sloblor the Muck Monster
GreenHate Enterprises
sloblor@greenhate.com
So, now that you know the real me, are you gonna hire me or not? I would like to remind you that I can make weapons out of anything.
Sincerely,
Steve Madonna
stevemadonnayeah@gmail.com
remember.....anything.
Location: Chicago
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 942873935
Good one Jourdan 
