Women say 'we're glad to be grumpy'

Feb 16 2005

Jenny Rees, Western Mail


THE TIME has come for the grumpy old woman and quite right too - say, um, the self-confessed grumpy old women.

According to a new book, the female baby-boomers are taking over the stereotype of the grumpy old men and they say they have every right to whinge about the everyday annoyances of life.

An independent lifestyle, liberated sex-lives and career jobs were what the post-war generation expected. But according to a raft of big name stars who've contributed to the new book, things haven't lived up to its billing.

Arabella Weir, pictured, Germaine Greer, Sheila Hancock and Jenny Eclair are some of the respected - and witty - women who get it all off their chests in the book Grumpy Old Women, which is out tomorrow.

They rant about everything from thongs to children's parties, but also make the point that 20 years after being told they could have a career and a perfect family, "it now feels like we were sold down the river on the having-it-all idea. The only 'all' we seem to have now is all the work."

She writes, "Having it all was infinitely more complicated than it seemed because no one factored in who was actually going to look after the children. Also no one factored in that women are genetically programmed for motherhood, and once they feel they are not doing motherhood as well as they want to, they feel deeply unhappy.

"More than that, more practical than that, having it all seems to mean that far from being effortlessly able to combine all the status and money of a career with bringing up emotionally rounded children and still find time for a weekly facial, we are trying to do everything single-handed. Women are multi-tasking in double figures, while men seem to be able to go to work and then come home again, end of story. Somehow we seem to have ended up with double the work.

"We were the first women to take the pill, be properly liberated, to have a career and bring up the 2.4 children. We staged sit-ins and demos for all sorts of things. We were going to change the world. We strove hard to get our careers in the first place. We had to be as good as, if not better than, the next man. We got near the top of the ladder, got used to earning our own money. It made us feel good, gave us self-respect and self-esteem. But then we got pregnant. Suddenly we realised that having babies wasn't going be as simple as we thought."

Kate Bennett, director of the Equal Opportunities Commission in Wales, said, "The 40-plus generation of women were brought up with huge expectations. The contraceptive pill and the sexual revolution of the 1960s held out the promise of fun and freedom. The equality legislation of the 1970s promised equal pay with male workers and equal chances to get on at work, to get to the top.

"Although women remain under-represented in the ranks of politicians, broadcasters and senior managers, it is the 40-plus generation of women who were the ones to break through into these male bastions.

"However, the majority of women have ended up with a double burden: a job where wages are low and opportunities limited and the major responsibility for caring for children or disabled relatives - not to mention doing most of the housework."

Tory MP Ann Widdecombe writes, "There is huge pressure now on women to be economically active. Huge diminution of the importance of bringing up children. That's now regarded as a second-class occupation. That's been a very, very undesirable consequence of Women's Lib. It wasn't what we thought about when we thought of Women's Lib all those years ago."

Author India Knight says, "It's absolutely amazing to me that women still believe that they can have it all It's an insane promise."

'People are so obsessed with their offspring'

Never let it be said that a woman loses her sense of humour when she whinges Here some of the Grumpy Old Women let off steam on the things that annoy them most

n THONGS

Middle-aged women and thongs. Not a good look. Think sumo wrestler. Although I see they've now brought out the "control thong", with an industrial-strength elasticated panel down the front, which pulls you in so dramatically that it makes you walk at a 45-degree angle and pushes the rest of you out at the back, giving you a neat rear-view shelf for keeping things on - which is handy.

Arabella Weir

n SIGNS IN CARS

People are so obsessed with their offspring that they put stickers on the back of their cars saying "Baby on Board". Gosh, right, we'll make sure we don't crash into them, then! I think there should be ones that say Spoilt Brats on Board, Minor Celebrity on Board, Someone Who Was on Big Brother on Board, Britney Spears Lookalike on Board that way I can choose who I ram the back of and who not.

Arabella Weir

n CLOTHES

Now that I'm old shopping for clothes has become entirely frustrating because there is nothing for me to wear in the shops. Nothing. I mean, I'm not going to wear hipster pants am I? If I wear hipster pants and I sit down, I'll shoot out the back of them. It's not on.

Germaine Greer

n MEMORY LOSS

You can't remember people's names. I'm saying, 'Oh, do you remember that actor? You know, the one who was in that film,' and then you can't remember the film's name, and 'You know, he was married to ' and you can't remember who he was married to. 'You know, the one who had the dreadful childhood and she was on that show,' and you can't remember the TV show she was on.

Nina Myskow

n BORED CHILDREN

Children's lives now - every single nanosecond has to be accounted for. When I was a kid I seem to remember that eight hours a day was spent sleeping, and 16 hours a day was spent being incredibly bored, waiting for something interesting to happen.

Kathryn Flett

n PETS

When I go to my local park there's all these women walking around with terrible reversed plastic bags, and they pick up the poo, and very often, if the bag is leaky or some-thing, they leave it by a lamppost, or there's a terrible bin for it, which I wouldn't dare look inside - the dog poo bin. Imagine the poor person who has to empty that. I mean, that shouldn't be anybody's job, should it?

Sheila Hancock

n DINNER PARTIES

I don't go to dinner parties or anything like that - it would be too boring. And also, who'd want me in their house? I'd only criticise their decorations or go through their bathroom cabinets.

Janet Street Porter