VRT Gump

iTrader: (4)

Just dont let them do game of saying how bad the other one is and dont talk bad about one in front of the other.

You will get used to is and if they are happier that way, it isnt to bad.

STi-owns-evo

iTrader: (4)

Oh man, yes, I totally agree. Probably can't stress it enough, but if this happens it can easily tear apart any relationship you have between either parent very quickly.

debbid

iTrader: (9)

My parents divorced when I was 4. It was a really bad divorce because spousal abuse and the related legal stuff. I haven't seen my dad in close to 20 years and I couldn't be happier. Most of the memories of my dad are bad ones. Hopefully, your parents aren't divorcing for the same reason and at least remain amicable and respectful towards one another.

I'd say the best way to cope is to remember that your parents are adults and sometimes people can no longer get along. Turn to your friends and other, unbiased family members if and when you need some one. Additionally, be supportive of your other family members. They probably are having time coping too. And try to focus on your life goals. As a 25 year old, you probably have a lot going on in your life.

OneManArmy

iTrader: (7)

It's fairly common. Sad but common. Think it's over 50% now.

Mine got a divorce when I was a baby. Then the next marriage ended with lives lost when I was 10.

PenguinPrincess

same here, mine got divorced when i was around 7, i dont really remember it tho...i do remember a lot of fighting, so i guess it was for the best. But i've always wondered what it would be like to have parents that stayed married, seems nice. saying the words "mom and dad" together sound weird for me. the courts stuck us with our mom, which was a wrong move, cuz i dont get along with my mom...she's an evil evil woman. but now i live with my dad.

go out, work on your car, and dont let their problems bother you, it's between them and eventually everything will work out in the end.

AlanarchySTI

Sorry to hear that. I totally understand as mine got divorced when I was 9. For me it was the worst feeling in the world, but now I see that it was all for the best. There are things I didn`t understand as a child. Anyway, don`t let it get to you.

sigma pi

iTrader: (6)

My dad left my mom and I when i was 8. I had strep throat and it was a week before christmas. so moma raised me and then i was always anti dad because mom had that attitude (he left for another woman).

as i got older and understood relationships better i forgave him. then one summer i was visiting and we were on the porch he and i. He said "you know i often wonder what i would have been like if i stayed with your mom. she did a great job raising you." he died two years later three years ago three weeks before christmas.

I was in the fraternity when he died i was in it for just under a semster and the guys helped me through it.

so christmas sucks for me

wimprezax06

iTrader: (17)

sorry to hear about that, my parents are still together so i can't really put my self in your shoes. but i have cousins and friend's parent who were divorced. most of them turn out to be fine, but it was a little harsh on my little cousin. stay with friends and stay close with both parents i think is the way.




im really sorry to hear this sigma. at least your dad knows that you have forgived him, he can RIP happily. and im sure your dad wouldn't blame you even you didn't forgive him, parents are more understanding than that.

WREXNFX

iTrader: (3)

it sucked at first but after a while you get used to it like anything else that changes in life. i was 9 when my parents divorced so it was trama at first
my mom had a counsler who she was seeing to cope and he took me and my sister in for sessions also, but honestly i dont think it really helped us since we were young.
it got easier after a few years when my mom would finally let my dad visit us kids and take us for the weekend sometimes.
my mom dated some losers that were all macho trying to be my dad and all it did was make me rebel. then she finally met a great guy who was a friend of my aunt and uncle who she married and he became a great step father.

av98

iTrader: (1)

Now, I'm curious if anybody with a divorce experience themselves can chime in from the other side's perspective just to be objective.

rvenosa

My situation was different. My folks divorced before I was conceived/created/birthed. Both were married at a very young age into marriages that didn't have much hope. My folks met, divorced their not-so-significant others and have since been married for 50+ years. I've been around for 38 of those years.

I've seen friends who's parents simply started drifting apart, not much of a relationship seemed to be left. Seems like the kids and convenience are reasons to stay married. In the long run I think divorce is good for both the parents and the kids if there's no other solution. Post-divorce, my friend's parents individuality seemed to come out more and the child/parent relationship became deeper/better. Seems like once the divorce issues is on the table, parents seem a little more likely to talk about real stuff. If that makes any sense. One of my best friend's parents divorced even though they never seemed unhappy. Once the dust settled they both seemed so much happier and more comfortable with themselves and both started pursuing things that they never would have before.

Good luck - I wish you the best - stay strong, chin up.

BlueBlurr

Interesting guys...
Mine got divorced when I was 14...I didn't suffer much back then consciously, 10 years later I had my own family.
now after 15 years of marriage I am thinking about divorcing...and I was asking myself what it will be like for my kids that are 10 and 8...very interesting read everybody.

Keep it coming.

STi-owns-evo

iTrader: (4)

I think it depends on the situation you're putting your kids in right now. Can you and your wife continue to show your children a loving environment, not only between you and your kids, but between you and your wife as well? I think that's the biggest thing, is that parents continue holding onto a failing relationship filled with anguish and even though they try to hide it, children can still tell.

chocolate

iTrader: (11)

I think the best way to cope is to talk to someone who is mature enough to listen and understand you. If you have health benefits at school or work, I'd seek a professional counselor for some support. Divorce imo is a serious trauma that can possibly recycle similar dynamics into one's own future marriage or serious relationship. Find a counselor that you can connect with and learn healthy ways to cope, like everything that is worth anything - good guidance and time will bring some healing. Best of luck.

BlueBlurr

Thanks! Really appreciated


Personaly I don't believe in counseling. Someone you pay to listen to your troubles, that will tell you what you probably already know deep down.

The age was a bit off..I got married around 27..I'm 42 now.
I know it can be traumatic, at the same time learning from a broken couple will take the same toll. My personal experience.
You end up learning that a "broken" relationship is THE relationship...the kids learn by example, also from bad example.
But IMHO a less than perfect family is still better than no family at all... Plus I can't live without my kids.
Still working on it...I didn't give up just yet...but the temptation is strong.