Chicks and BJJ
04-11-2012, 08:22 PM
#1
previously known as wrxBRAH
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Chicks and BJJ
I'll just leave this here
LiveLeak.com - Brazilian Female Jiu-Jitsu Instructor Shows You Hot To Grapple
LiveLeak.com - Brazilian Female Jiu-Jitsu Instructor Shows You Hot To Grapple
04-11-2012, 10:02 PM
#6
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While we're at it, here are some BJJ nuggets of wisdom from O Senhor Rua (read this in your head with a Brazilian Portuguese accent for full effect; optimally, you'll use Mario Sperry's voice for it haha):
Regarding the meaning of belt ranks in BJJ:
"blue belt=gonna submit most beginner ease include guys from karate and kung fu.blue belt able not get hurt if fight muscle head steroidy on beach or outside club.
purple belt=he nasty guy.gonna be able smash people.SMASH THEM.
brown belt=able twist evryone up real good and still not breath heavy.he not even gonna fight in street no more incase he kill someone.
blackbelt=professor.sometime nice sometime if upset bit dangerous.if pass his guarde he gonna be upset so careful.some blackbelt
crazy other nice guy.some gonna contrate on vale tudo,other gonna teach jiu jitsu for student.some gonna be very technical other just tough if guy both he gonna do well in mundial.
ALL CAN DEFEN USING BEST FIGHT IN WORLD"
Regarding the meaning of high ranks in the martial arts world:
"Purple belt it award for man who can fight.
10 Dan it award for **** who cannot fight.
(unless 10 Dan from Japan then it award for man who
used be mother****er fighter an everyone lucky he old now
becorse he smash evryone).
American 10 Dan is cawkf4gg0t for sure.
English 10 Dan maybe still in closet but we know.
Why these Dans??
I tell you frens-an this the problem,
these mother****er sell belts.from white to black and for all
the stripes they take money.an they sell them so fast the blackbelt
means nothing no more becorse they sell do many,so fast even to
9 year old child that the belt they ware (black) it mean nothing g no more
becorse they sell sell sell.now what they gonna do? *****!
they for ware red belt an call themself 10 Dan.
I spit on the tatame of their dojo for disrespec them."
On fake BJJ blackbelts vs. real BJJ purple belts:
"if this happen in Rio there gonna be blood all up
walls if dojo.how dare this people question the
hability of purple belt.frens purple belt is belt of
destruct an pain.a belt for honour gracie family
in fight against karate ***** who now even my
Granmother she know kata do not work so now
these *****,THESE ***** they think they can teach
jiu jitsu.We smash these ***g0ts in Brasil many years ago
but now we have the henglish version with
10 Dan.hegard this 10 dan:even maeda was not this
grade,but guy with yellow toe nails in Yorkshire he hav?
no no no .
I will not comment on guy with knife becorse he need mental
help an I not gonna bully retard."
On tournament strategy:
"You know guys I think most himport thing for jiu jitsu
is for create presh on you hopponent.How you create
this presh is your decish but for me,man,I wanna create
dislusion from the start.I wanna enter tournament with
as big muskle as poss an be as rip as poss.I gonna do this
with deadlift and many neck exercise,an eat a lot of protein,
acai,creatine an BBQ.when i get to tournament I wanna be
so big that guys are scare of me an done wanna fight.
I gonna walk around all day with just my pants on an no kimono
jacket an so guys can see that I rip,I look strong an my tattoo of
st George battle with serpeant on horseback is for sure gonna scare
lot of guys.I gonna make point of talk to all purple belt girls while
my abs are tense an I even gonna tell my opposition 'man you look soo strong' when I see them even if they have fear on the eye an look out of shape.when I come for my divish I gonna put rash guarde under kimono
so when I walk on mat the ref he gonna ask for me remove an I gonna take off in front of my hopponent so I'm case he no see how big an rip I was earlier he gonna see now.an my tattoo.Frens for this I gonna need be in higher weight divish,for create presh befor fight even begin.
for jiu jitsu you need be thinking one step ahead for sure."
On running a dojo, Brazilian-style:
"the illeagle hesposibilitie of hacademie professor
frens here is truth
1. for make sure if bodybuilder or wrestle guy come he gonna get smash by purple belt
2. teach whatever part of game he feel is good for him at that time like maybe 50/50 guarde right now new guys they gonna hav learn to
3. if has any student who is from his state they gonna get extra nice treatment an have big hexplanation for each technique
4. if guy he ask question he gonna be told 'you gotta move you hibs fren'
5. if blue belt he ask for rest he gonna be put with beginners for spar for nex six month for sure
6. if professor roll with guy an arm bar him he gonna hold arm for student very tight after like he hold together for fix an then rub an say 'fren it gonna be ok' an tell white belt for get cold spray
7. if student don't show promise he gonna say 'my fren maybe jiu jitsu it not for you'
8. if girl come train if she pretty he gonna fall in love immediate like puppy an no one can talk with her
9. if big party on he not gonna be at academie,blue belt gonna take class hinstead
10. most himportant part.if ref he try rob you at comptition your professor he gonna try kill ref an forever gonna hate that guy an always always be on your side even if you do something bad.
that the illeagle hesponsibilitie of hacademie professor frens,why you guys wanna change what happen for many years?
is true jiu jitsu frens"
On Eddie Bravo:
"that guy **** ***g0t for sure.did you guys buy he book? man,he smokin
your money!!! frens,is not the real fight unnastan?"
On rivalries:
"FRENS,
I LIKE WHEN A GUY HE NO WANNA ROLL WITH ME NO MORE!"
On fake BJJ black belts (again):
"frens,Brasil is place of many guys who 'almost' get faixa preta
then something went wrong.you know frens for professor he make desish
for promote to black belt is very big hesponsiblity.
he gonna hav arsk many questions
is this guy got good fight,is this guy gonna smash evryone,
is this guy hav good character for carry on proffessir good heptation
with future genration,is this guy cheat,is this guy ****, is this guy ***g0t
did this guy take belt from other professor,is other professor ****
did this guy try belt shop like mother ****ing *******g0t ***?"
On attending Mundials:
"frens,for sure I honor for be appreciate.man,this are
hexciting time. I at Mundials for celebrate the sport
I love with many other fighters an I having great time.
yesterday I went to surf in America for firs time.
I had small problem with one guy though.when I was
at break this guy he keep a look at me so I say "hey you
ugly **** what wrong?" and he jus keep look like
my pitbull after it eat purple puke on pavement after mistake it for acai.
when I go to drop in this guy he drop in in front of me!
He shout "this is my spot brew,foreigners not allowed here man"
I say "fren,I not call brew,I am O Sr. Rua! How you think the ocean it
belong for anyone? An I not foregnir I Brasilian man an you look like
Mexican *******g0t to me! In the name of Rickson Gracie I challenge you
to fight. at this moment I smash him in mouth an then jump on him an drag him to beach.When we get to beach he start shouting for his frens so I
go for far side arm bar but he defen so I change to brabo choke!
as this guy is get sleep I say " I choke you in name of jiu jitsu an for
freedom of ocean Mr American Mexicano,if I ever see you again i break
you arm!"
I now look forward for mundial frens!"
Caralho, this ish is SOLID GOLD!!!
Regarding the meaning of belt ranks in BJJ:
"blue belt=gonna submit most beginner ease include guys from karate and kung fu.blue belt able not get hurt if fight muscle head steroidy on beach or outside club.
purple belt=he nasty guy.gonna be able smash people.SMASH THEM.
brown belt=able twist evryone up real good and still not breath heavy.he not even gonna fight in street no more incase he kill someone.
blackbelt=professor.sometime nice sometime if upset bit dangerous.if pass his guarde he gonna be upset so careful.some blackbelt
crazy other nice guy.some gonna contrate on vale tudo,other gonna teach jiu jitsu for student.some gonna be very technical other just tough if guy both he gonna do well in mundial.
ALL CAN DEFEN USING BEST FIGHT IN WORLD"
Regarding the meaning of high ranks in the martial arts world:
"Purple belt it award for man who can fight.
10 Dan it award for **** who cannot fight.
(unless 10 Dan from Japan then it award for man who
used be mother****er fighter an everyone lucky he old now
becorse he smash evryone).
American 10 Dan is cawkf4gg0t for sure.
English 10 Dan maybe still in closet but we know.
Why these Dans??
I tell you frens-an this the problem,
these mother****er sell belts.from white to black and for all
the stripes they take money.an they sell them so fast the blackbelt
means nothing no more becorse they sell do many,so fast even to
9 year old child that the belt they ware (black) it mean nothing g no more
becorse they sell sell sell.now what they gonna do? *****!
they for ware red belt an call themself 10 Dan.
I spit on the tatame of their dojo for disrespec them."
On fake BJJ blackbelts vs. real BJJ purple belts:
"if this happen in Rio there gonna be blood all up
walls if dojo.how dare this people question the
hability of purple belt.frens purple belt is belt of
destruct an pain.a belt for honour gracie family
in fight against karate ***** who now even my
Granmother she know kata do not work so now
these *****,THESE ***** they think they can teach
jiu jitsu.We smash these ***g0ts in Brasil many years ago
but now we have the henglish version with
10 Dan.hegard this 10 dan:even maeda was not this
grade,but guy with yellow toe nails in Yorkshire he hav?
no no no .
I will not comment on guy with knife becorse he need mental
help an I not gonna bully retard."
On tournament strategy:
"You know guys I think most himport thing for jiu jitsu
is for create presh on you hopponent.How you create
this presh is your decish but for me,man,I wanna create
dislusion from the start.I wanna enter tournament with
as big muskle as poss an be as rip as poss.I gonna do this
with deadlift and many neck exercise,an eat a lot of protein,
acai,creatine an BBQ.when i get to tournament I wanna be
so big that guys are scare of me an done wanna fight.
I gonna walk around all day with just my pants on an no kimono
jacket an so guys can see that I rip,I look strong an my tattoo of
st George battle with serpeant on horseback is for sure gonna scare
lot of guys.I gonna make point of talk to all purple belt girls while
my abs are tense an I even gonna tell my opposition 'man you look soo strong' when I see them even if they have fear on the eye an look out of shape.when I come for my divish I gonna put rash guarde under kimono
so when I walk on mat the ref he gonna ask for me remove an I gonna take off in front of my hopponent so I'm case he no see how big an rip I was earlier he gonna see now.an my tattoo.Frens for this I gonna need be in higher weight divish,for create presh befor fight even begin.
for jiu jitsu you need be thinking one step ahead for sure."
On running a dojo, Brazilian-style:
"the illeagle hesposibilitie of hacademie professor
frens here is truth
1. for make sure if bodybuilder or wrestle guy come he gonna get smash by purple belt
2. teach whatever part of game he feel is good for him at that time like maybe 50/50 guarde right now new guys they gonna hav learn to
3. if has any student who is from his state they gonna get extra nice treatment an have big hexplanation for each technique
4. if guy he ask question he gonna be told 'you gotta move you hibs fren'
5. if blue belt he ask for rest he gonna be put with beginners for spar for nex six month for sure
6. if professor roll with guy an arm bar him he gonna hold arm for student very tight after like he hold together for fix an then rub an say 'fren it gonna be ok' an tell white belt for get cold spray
7. if student don't show promise he gonna say 'my fren maybe jiu jitsu it not for you'
8. if girl come train if she pretty he gonna fall in love immediate like puppy an no one can talk with her
9. if big party on he not gonna be at academie,blue belt gonna take class hinstead
10. most himportant part.if ref he try rob you at comptition your professor he gonna try kill ref an forever gonna hate that guy an always always be on your side even if you do something bad.
that the illeagle hesponsibilitie of hacademie professor frens,why you guys wanna change what happen for many years?
is true jiu jitsu frens"
On Eddie Bravo:
"that guy **** ***g0t for sure.did you guys buy he book? man,he smokin
your money!!! frens,is not the real fight unnastan?"
On rivalries:
"FRENS,
I LIKE WHEN A GUY HE NO WANNA ROLL WITH ME NO MORE!"
On fake BJJ black belts (again):
"frens,Brasil is place of many guys who 'almost' get faixa preta
then something went wrong.you know frens for professor he make desish
for promote to black belt is very big hesponsiblity.
he gonna hav arsk many questions
is this guy got good fight,is this guy gonna smash evryone,
is this guy hav good character for carry on proffessir good heptation
with future genration,is this guy cheat,is this guy ****, is this guy ***g0t
did this guy take belt from other professor,is other professor ****
did this guy try belt shop like mother ****ing *******g0t ***?"
On attending Mundials:
"frens,for sure I honor for be appreciate.man,this are
hexciting time. I at Mundials for celebrate the sport
I love with many other fighters an I having great time.
yesterday I went to surf in America for firs time.
I had small problem with one guy though.when I was
at break this guy he keep a look at me so I say "hey you
ugly **** what wrong?" and he jus keep look like
my pitbull after it eat purple puke on pavement after mistake it for acai.
when I go to drop in this guy he drop in in front of me!
He shout "this is my spot brew,foreigners not allowed here man"
I say "fren,I not call brew,I am O Sr. Rua! How you think the ocean it
belong for anyone? An I not foregnir I Brasilian man an you look like
Mexican *******g0t to me! In the name of Rickson Gracie I challenge you
to fight. at this moment I smash him in mouth an then jump on him an drag him to beach.When we get to beach he start shouting for his frens so I
go for far side arm bar but he defen so I change to brabo choke!
as this guy is get sleep I say " I choke you in name of jiu jitsu an for
freedom of ocean Mr American Mexicano,if I ever see you again i break
you arm!"
I now look forward for mundial frens!"
Caralho, this ish is SOLID GOLD!!!
Last edited by Choku Dori; 04-11-2012 at 11:06 PM.
04-11-2012, 11:02 PM
#9
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Just read one topic at a time. Take it in measured doses, so you don't laugh yourselves to death.
EDIT: I'll space 'em out a bit for easier reading by topic. Trust me, if you do BJJ and you train under any of the Brazilian guys, you'll laugh your *** off at these!
EDIT: I'll space 'em out a bit for easier reading by topic. Trust me, if you do BJJ and you train under any of the Brazilian guys, you'll laugh your *** off at these!
Last edited by Choku Dori; 04-11-2012 at 11:07 PM.
04-12-2012, 03:24 PM
#11
If in doubt, FLAT OUT
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" I choke you in name of jiu jitsu an for freedom of ocean Mr American Mexicano,if I ever see you again i break you arm!"
LOL. Love this guy. Mad props. And I can hear him talking in that Portuguese accent too.
LOL. Love this guy. Mad props. And I can hear him talking in that Portuguese accent too.
09-04-2012, 04:26 PM
#15
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Location: Under your bed, in your closet, and in your head
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More Brazilian-style humor. If you've ever watched a funk carioca video, you'll get the humor behind this:
For those that have never seen a funk carioca video before, here's one so that you can understand the humor in this even more:
(Also, you're welcome )
For those that have never seen a funk carioca video before, here's one so that you can understand the humor in this even more:
(Also, you're welcome
)