View Poll Results: So without getting into sexual preferences what would you classify yourself as?
Retrosexual
7
24.14%
Metrosexual
0
0%
About a 50/50 split in some respects with certain exceptions.
5
17.24%
Zoebsexual
2
6.90%
15
51.72%
Voters: 29. You may not vote on this poll
American Male Classification part deux (with poll)
04-09-2004, 10:26 AM
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American Male Classification part duex (with poll)
There's too many classifications for the American Male these days. I just want to get an idea of where you guys stand. Don't take this personal because i really don't care what you do and/or how you act. I'd consider myself a "retrosexual-heterosexual" with certain exceptions to the retrosexual aspect.
Here's what a "retrosexual" is according to another forum SOCNET :
A Retrosexual, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE GODDAMN DATE.
A Retrosexual opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.
A Retrosexual DEALS with ****. Be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you ****ING DEAL WITH IT.
A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.
A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you.
A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving goods.)
A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old (Yes, Contagion, I'm lookin' at you)
A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be. This falls under the "dealing with ****" portion of The Code.
A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title.
A Retrosexual does not let neighbors **** up rooms in his house on national TV.
A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for poontang. Some is inevitable, but major re-invention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a froo-froo little puss, and in the long run, she ain't worth it.
A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak treechipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH ****. When you ****ed up, he DEALT with you. Buck up *****.
A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.
A Retrosexual knows how to tie a ****ing windsor knot when wearing a tie (There, Contagion, that made up for the Hot Topic crack)
A Retrosexual does not strip naked, get into a sweat lodge, and bang on drums to bond with other guys. That **** is gay.
However dressing in kilts, banging on drums around a campfire, and drinking heavily is just fine.
A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting. (If not, he can borrow some from my friend Daniel, who has enough
wound stories to last for 3 lifetimes)
A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a damn nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be.
A Retrosexual's ******* is an exit ramp on the road of life. Ladies, contrary to what Cosmo says, spontaneously sticking a finger back there is a good way to be launched off the bed (or if Hooters hotwings have been recently consumed, lose a finger). Make you a deal, we won't mess with yours unless you want us to, and you won't mess with ours period.
A Retrosexual will buy feminine hygine products if he has to, but only under protest. This falls under unpleasant things you have to ****ing DEAL with. Get some Hagen-Daas while your at it.
A Retrosexual gives a lady his seat on the bus/subway/etc.
A Retrosexual does not order an apple martini at the bar. A Martini has ****ing gin and vermouth in it dammit. And maybe an olive. In fact, why not just get a beer and a shot of scotch??
A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are riddled with fear, or are trying to make up for a small *****. Massage and cunnilingus skills are the way to make up for a small *****, guns are ****ing TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL with ****. Plus it's just damnned fun to shoot.
These are just the tip of the iceberg. I need help fleshing out The Code. Please let the testosterone flow and add your wisdom.
Correct me if im wrong but metrosexuals are pretty much the cast of 'queer eye for the straight guy' that "likes" women. They stand in the mirror for hours flexing before they get ready to go clubbing.
Granted none of these classifications mean you're gay, straight or whatever. You can be a homosexual and be Mr.T or a heterosexual and have the most limp wrist in the world.
So without getting into sexual preferences what would you classify yourself as?
Here's what a "retrosexual" is according to another forum SOCNET :
A Retrosexual, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE GODDAMN DATE.
A Retrosexual opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.
A Retrosexual DEALS with ****. Be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you ****ING DEAL WITH IT.
A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.
A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you.
A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving goods.)
A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old (Yes, Contagion, I'm lookin' at you)
A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be. This falls under the "dealing with ****" portion of The Code.
A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title.
A Retrosexual does not let neighbors **** up rooms in his house on national TV.
A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for poontang. Some is inevitable, but major re-invention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a froo-froo little puss, and in the long run, she ain't worth it.
A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak treechipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH ****. When you ****ed up, he DEALT with you. Buck up *****.
A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.
A Retrosexual knows how to tie a ****ing windsor knot when wearing a tie (There, Contagion, that made up for the Hot Topic crack)
A Retrosexual does not strip naked, get into a sweat lodge, and bang on drums to bond with other guys. That **** is gay.
However dressing in kilts, banging on drums around a campfire, and drinking heavily is just fine.
A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting. (If not, he can borrow some from my friend Daniel, who has enough
wound stories to last for 3 lifetimes)
A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a damn nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be.
A Retrosexual's ******* is an exit ramp on the road of life. Ladies, contrary to what Cosmo says, spontaneously sticking a finger back there is a good way to be launched off the bed (or if Hooters hotwings have been recently consumed, lose a finger). Make you a deal, we won't mess with yours unless you want us to, and you won't mess with ours period.
A Retrosexual will buy feminine hygine products if he has to, but only under protest. This falls under unpleasant things you have to ****ing DEAL with. Get some Hagen-Daas while your at it.
A Retrosexual gives a lady his seat on the bus/subway/etc.
A Retrosexual does not order an apple martini at the bar. A Martini has ****ing gin and vermouth in it dammit. And maybe an olive. In fact, why not just get a beer and a shot of scotch??
A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are riddled with fear, or are trying to make up for a small *****. Massage and cunnilingus skills are the way to make up for a small *****, guns are ****ing TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL with ****. Plus it's just damnned fun to shoot.
These are just the tip of the iceberg. I need help fleshing out The Code. Please let the testosterone flow and add your wisdom.
Correct me if im wrong but metrosexuals are pretty much the cast of 'queer eye for the straight guy' that "likes" women. They stand in the mirror for hours flexing before they get ready to go clubbing.
Granted none of these classifications mean you're gay, straight or whatever. You can be a homosexual and be Mr.T or a heterosexual and have the most limp wrist in the world.
So without getting into sexual preferences what would you classify yourself as?
04-09-2004, 02:55 PM
#6
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