r_master

Got this e-mail today from my co-worker. I work in the aviation industry and thought it was pretty funny... your mileage may vary... ^.^;;

>Subject: Aircraft talk
>Date: Mon, 10 Jan 2005 05:21:06 -0600
>
>
>CONTROL TOWER TO PILOT
>
>The following are accounts of actual exchanges between airline pilots
>and
>control towers around the world. Remember that the conversations are heard
>by al pilots on that frequency in that area.
>
>================================================= ===
>Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!" Delta 351:
>"Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
>================================================= ===========
>"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees." "Centre, we are
>at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" "Sir, have you
>ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
>================================================= =====
>From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm
>f...ing bored!" Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting,
>identify yourself immediately!"
>Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"
>================================================= ===========
>O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a
>Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
>United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the
>little Fokker in sight."
>================================================= ===========
>A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight.
>While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your

>last known position?"
>Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
>================================================= ===========
>A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll
>out
>after touching down.
>San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of
>the runway, if you are able.
>If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right

>at the lights and return to the airport."
>================================================= ===========
>There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing
>because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked."
>Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two, behind a
>B-52 that had one engine shut down.
>"Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine approach."
>================================================= ===========
>Taxiing down the tarmac, a DC-10 abruptly stopped, turned around and
>returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.
>A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What, exactly, was the
>problem?"
>"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the
>flight attendant. "It took us a while to find a new pilot."
>================================================= ===========
>A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the
>following: Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance
>time?"
>Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
>Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in
>Germany. Why must I speak English?"
>Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent):
>"Because you lost the bloody war."
>================================================= ===========
>Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency
>124.7"
>Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after
>we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the
>runway."
>Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact
>Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
>Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we
>copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."
>================================================= ========
>One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of
>the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned
>around, and taxied back past the Cherokee.
>Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said,
>"What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"
>The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a
>real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and
>I'll have enough parts for another one."
>================================================= ===========
>The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a
>short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking
>location, but how to get there without any assistance from them.
>So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the
>following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways
>747, call sign Speedbird 206.
>Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
>Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
>The PA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
>Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
>Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
>Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been
>to Frankfurt before?"
>Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- And I
>didn't land."
>================================================= ===========
>While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight
>departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a

>United 727.
>An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew,
>screaming:

>"US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right
>onto
>Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's
>difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it
>right!"
>Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting
>hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to

>sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to!
>You
>can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want
>you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you!
>You got that, US Air 2771?"
>"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
>Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent

>after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance
>engaging
>the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every
>cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high.
>Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone,
>asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"
>

Daredevil

iTrader: (5)

someone read it to me

MVWRX

iTrader: (1)

Those are awesome.

gooder77

iTrader: (4)

good stuff

fizay

pilots are nerds.

svo+wrx

that stuff is great. pretty good smartass remarks.
________
Arizona medical marijuana dispensaries

huck

iTrader: (25)

"pilots say funny things"

suby_dude

iTrader: (18)

dude

i need that 1 edm light back bro

drop it by when u get a chance

thx

wombatsauce

iTrader: (7)

+1 - That's some funny ish..

-Jacob

SilverBlitzkrieg

iTrader: (2)

That last ones the best.

r_master

Haha, I was right? you guys need to take care of your parts I was going to sell it, but it is good that I kept it for a while. ^^ I have it in my garage... won't have time until Sat. I'll give you a call.

90Legacy

funny stuff

Yin

iTrader: (40)

it actually is that exit...

Choku Dori

iTrader: (2)

Good stuff!
And to think I was thinking of going into this business at one point...

wombatsauce

iTrader: (7)

Me too. Ha. Wanted to be a airline pilot.

愛クラブ?

-Jacob